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kid: He's a caca-poopoo


Detective John Kimble: (banging on fire bell) Yes, this is fire drill! Come on! Detective John Kimble: (looks down at stopwatch) Aww! This is terrible!


Detective John Kimble: You should be reading stories about bears that go shopping!


Assistant to Schlowski: (as they watch a helpless Kimble trying to get control of the kids) Aren't you going to break them up? Miss Schlowski: No, two more days of this, then he'll quit!


Eleanor Crisp: (Eleanor Crisp enters locker room, where she finds and unloads Kimble's gun, and also finds her dead son's bullet-ridden body and Kimble slumped and bleeding on floor against the shower wall) Where's my grandson? Detective John Kimble: (gasping) I don't know! Eleanor Crisp: (Eleanor fires gun into wall, just inches above Kimble's head, hissing) Where's... my... grandson? Detective John Kimble: (gasping continues) Go to hell! Eleanor Crisp: That's exactly where you're going, you son of a bitch! (moves towards Kimble and taking aim with pistol, suddenly accosted by an injured and bat-wielding Phoebe, who strikes her in the shoulder and knocks her to the floor) Phoebe: You're not so tough without your car, are you?


Phoebe: (advising Kimble on how to be a teacher) Look, you've got to treat this like any other police situation. You walk into it showing fear, you're dead. And those kids know you're scared. Detective John Kimble: (looks at her a moment then nods) No fear. Phoebe: No fear.


Emma: (during Who is Your Daddy game) My daddy works on a computer all day, and is the head of his company and he, um, he has a moustache and a beard, and he-he doesn't have a lot of hair, and cuz-um, since his head is so big, he can't wear any hats.


(after his first day, John comes back and collapses on his bed) Phoebe O'Hara: How'd it go? Detective John Kimble: Go away. Phoebe O'Hara: That well, huh? Detective John Kimble: You take over tomorrow. Phoebe O'Hara: And blow our cover? Can't do it. Detective John Kimble: They're horrible. They're like little terrorists. Phoebe O'Hara: Tell me about it.


Miss Schlowski: Your teacher, Miss O'Hara, had to go somewhere. Dominic: Where'd she go? Miss Schlowski: That doesn't matter. Lowell: Did she die? Miss Schlowski: No, Lowell, she went to see someone. Lowell: Did they die? Miss Schlowski: *No*, Lowell. Lowell: Everyone dies, you know.


Cullen Crisp: Kimble, you've wasted years chasing after me, and what has it got you? Huh? Nothing! I'll be out of here in a week, and you'll still be eating takeout food in that dump you live in. Yeah! I know all about you, Kimble. Without me, you wouldn't even have a life. My old lady left because of the money. Yours left because she just couldn't stand the sight of you.


Joshua: Are you married, Mr. Kimble? Detective John Kimble: No, I'm not. (Joshua sticks his head into the hallway) Joshua: (shouts) He's not married, Mom!


(to some kids who keep bumping his airplane seat) Detective John Kimble: Hey, come here. (he beckons a kid with one finger, while holding a pencil in the other) Detective John Kimble: If you don't stop screwing around back there, this is what I'm gonna do with you. (he snaps the pencil in two with his thumb. The kid sits back, wide-eyed)


Detective John Kimble: Emma, take your toy back to the carpet and sit down. Emma: I'm not a policeman, I'm a princess! Detective John Kimble: Take your toy back to the carpet! Emma: (softly) I'm not policeman, I'm princess. Detective John Kimble: TAKE IT BACK! Emma: (miserable) All right.


Phoebe: Well, what are you going to do? Handcuff her to the bumper of your car and take her for a ride? Detective John Kimble: Let's just say I'm not going to offer to cook her dinner.


Danny: Hey, I'm not stupid, Mr. Crisp. Cullen Crisp: (shoots him) You're not?


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