Trading Places » Quotes (Movie)

Billy Ray Valentine: (watches Louis clean his shotgun) You know, you can't just go around and shoot people in the kneecaps with a double-barreled shotgun 'cause you pissed at 'em.
Louis Winthorpe III: Why not?
Billy Ray Valentine: 'Cause it's called assault with a deadly weapon, you get 20 years for that shit.
Louis Winthorpe III: Listen, do you have any better ideas?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah. You know, it occurs to me that the best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people.
Coleman: You have to admit, sir, you didn't like it yourself a bit.

Randolph Duke: (being wheeled out on a stretcher) Where's Beeks? Where in the hell is Beeks?
Billy Ray Valentine: (to Winthrope) Yeah, I forgot about that guy.

(first lines)
Coleman: (holding a breakfast tray while Louis is still asleep) Your breakfast, sir.

Corrupt Cop: (finds a baggie in Winthorpe's coat at his arrest) One cellophane bag...
Louis Winthorpe III: Now that's not mine! I've never seen that before in my life!
Corrupt Cop: (takes some PCP out of the baggie and tastes it) That's PCP! Phencyclidine. Angel dust! You ever seen what this stuff does to kids? You're looking at 3 to 5 mandatory... Louis!

Beeks: Hey. Back off! I'll rip out your eyes and piss on your brain.

Billy Ray Valentine: (after Ophelia and Coleman stop Louis from choking Billy Ray)
Billy Ray Valentine: (gasping)
Billy Ray Valentine: It was an experiment... to see how our lives would turn out... the Dukes arranged it... they made a bet.
Coleman: I'm afraid it's true, sir.
Ophelia: I believe him, Louie.
Louis Winthorpe III: The Dukes... ruined my life... over a bet? For how much?
Billy Ray Valentine: A dollar.
Louis Winthorpe III: One dollar... fine. That's the way they want it? No problem.
(cut to Louis cleaning and loading an array of shotguns in the den)

Randolph Duke: Ezra. Right on time. I'll bet you thought I'd forgotten your Christmas bonus. There you are.
Ezra: Five dollars. Maybe I'll go to the movies... by myself.
Mortimer Duke: Half of it is from me.
Ezra: Thank you, Mr. Mortimer.
(mouthing silently)
Ezra: Asshole.

(last lines)
Louis: Looking good, Billy Ray!
Billy Ray: Feeling good, Louis!

Louis: My God! The Dukes are going to corner the entire frozen orange juice market!
Ophelia: Unless somebody stops them...
Coleman: ...or *beats* them to it.
(all turn and look at him)
Coleman: Egg-nog?

Ophelia: (Ophelia notices Louis watching her undress) By the way, food and rent aren't the only things around here that cost money. You sleep on the couch.

Randolph Duke: Money isn't everything, Mortimer.
Mortimer Duke: Oh, grow up.
Randolph Duke: Mother always said you were greedy.
Mortimer Duke: She meant it as a compliment.

Billy Ray Valentine: (Billy Ray is in jail) I wish my bitches would get here. I ain't got time to be sitting in this cell with you.
Even Bigger Black Guy: Where are your bitches, Mr. Big-Time Pimp?
Big Black Guy: Yeah!
Billy Ray Valentine: (to cellmate #2) Didn't I tell you that the phone in my limousine is busted, and I can't get in contact with my bitches?
Cellmate #2: (to the Big Black Guy) Yeah! The phone in the limo was busted. What is ya, ignorant?

Duke & Duke receptionist: Yes Mr. Valentine, they're waiting for you in the last office down the hall.

Stationmaster: This animal is being routed through to New York. It's care and feeding instructions are on this bill of lading.
Baggage Handler #2: Okay, gotcha.
Stationmaster: Now, I doubt if you'll have any problems, but if you do, there's a tranquilizer gun in the first aid kit.
Baggage Handler #1: Oh, yeah?
Baggage Handler #1: (sniffs) Say, have you guys been drinking?
Baggage Handler #2: Oh no, not us.
Baggage Handler #1: There's enough drunks on this train, already.

Louis Winthorpe III: (approaching the New York Commodities Exchange) Think big, think positive, never show any sign of weakness. Always go for the throat. Buy low, sell high. Fear? That's the other guy's problem. Nothing you have ever experienced will prepare you for the absolute carnage you are about to witness. Super Bowl, World Series - they don't know what pressure is. In this building, it's either kill or be killed. You make no friends in the pits and you take no prisoners. One minute you're up half a million in soybeans and the next, boom, your kids don't go to college and they've repossessed your Bentley. Are you with me?
Billy Ray Valentine: Yeah, we got to kill the motherf... - we got to kill 'em!