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Fred Sanford: (sees Esther in the Sanford Arms) No animals allowed in here.
Aunt Esther: Why you...
Mrs. Hopkins: (to Esther) Let me handle this.
Mrs. Hopkins: (to Fred) Watch it, sucka!


Fred Sanford: (after Jones and Hoppy have left with the TV set) I hope you're happy, Grady. I'm out of $50 bucks.
Grady: (shouts) You should not have sold my set!
Fred Sanford: You're wrong, Grady. That was *my* set.


Bailiff: Will a Juan Diego Perez please rise?
Fred Sanford: (whispering to Lamont) He's a Mexican.
Lamont Sanford: Yeah, no kidding.


Fred Sanford: Who is it?
Lamont Sanford: It's the phone company. They say that if we don't pay the bill, they're gonna cut it off.
Fred Sanford: Gimmie that. Hello? Yes, this is Fred Sanford. Yeah, the phone is listed in my name. Say listen, what makes you folks think you can call me and cut somebody's phone off just because they're a little behind in their bill? Listen, I need my phone for my place of business. That's right, I wish one of you would come over here and try to cut my phone off. I'd put my foot in your - Hello?


Lamont Sanford: Hi Grady!
Grady: Outta my way Lamont.
(to Fred)
Grady: You expect me to beleive a cock and bull story like that?


Fred Sanford: Nope that's not Elizabeth. Too young, Too white.


Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: We better SPIT!
Lamont Sanford: THAT'S SPLIT!


Fred Sanford: Tell him in Puerto Rican - "Goat-o, get out of el house-o."


Fred Sanford: Grady, why are you my friend?
Grady: I don't know
Fred Sanford: I don't know either.


Lamont Sanford: (Holding a dented hub cap) Do I put this in H.C.: Hub Cap.
Fred Sanford: No, you put that in G.C.: Garbage Can.


Lamont Sanford: You know what they say, the truth will set you free.
Fred Sanford: Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months.


Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: We better get down to the Nifty Grifty.
Lamont Sanford: Nitty Gritty!
Officer 'Hoppy' Hopkins: Nitty Gritty.


Fred Sanford: (on the phone; In Japanese accent) I calling to tell you that we are not going to buy any property in your brock for the brewery and it's not Fled's "flault". No, it's not Fled's "flault"... Fled. Fled! FRED, you big, dumb Puerto Rican!
(hangs up)


(clutching his chest dramatically)
Fred Sanford: Oh, this is the biggest one I ever had. You hear that Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you honey.


Fred Sanford: Look at the family: buncha jive niggers.
Lamont Sanford: Pop!


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