National Lampoon's Vacation » Quotes (Movie)

(Clark punches the Marty Moose statue)
Ellen Griswold: Clark, what are you doing?
Clark: We watch his program... We buy his toys, we go to his movies... he owes us. Doesn't he owe us, huh? Fuckin' A right he owes us!

(after jumping into the freezing-cold pool)
Clark: Aaaaaah! Jesus! Fuck!

Clark: Oh, you can't think I'd do this on purpose? Look... I tied him to the rear bumper while I was packing the car. It was very confusing. I must have forgot. I'm very sorry, I feel terrible.
Motorcycle Cop: How do you think that little dog feels?
Clark: Look, I told you I was sorry. It really was an accident.
Motorcycle Cop: Well, I guess I can buy that, sir. But it is a shame. I had a pooch like this when I was a kid.
(both Clark and the motorcycle cop sorrowfully look at the empty road behind them)
Motorcycle Cop: Poor little guy. Probably kept up with you for a mile or so.
(tearing up)
Motorcycle Cop: Tough little mutt...

Cousin Vicki: I'm going steady, and I French kiss.
Audrey Griswold: So? Everybody does that.
Cousin Vicki: Yeah, but Daddy says I'm the best at it.

Ellen Griswold: (leaving the house) I turned off the water, the stove, the heat and the air, locked the door, notified the police, stopped the papers. I called to get the grass cut. Did I put the timers on the living-room lights?

Ellen Griswold: No, we don't. You gave $500 to Eddie, and everything on this little safari has cost us twice as more then you figured out.
Clark: Honey, we're fine. Plus there's nothing in that luggage that can't be replaced. Except... your diaphragm. Worse comes to worse, we can always cash a check down the road. Don't you trust me?
Ellen Griswold: As long as you don't tie me to the rear bumper.
Clark: That hurt, Ellen.

Ellen Griswold: Clark, I need my vanity case. We've got to go back and look for it. All of my credit cards are in it.
Clark: Honey, Number 1: I already phoned the bank and told them about your credit cards. B: there's no way we're going to find it when we don't even know were it fell off. And 3: I've got my credit cards and we sill have plenty of cash.

Aunt Edna: I was afraid you'd get pulled over, Clark. You've been exeeding the speed limit for thousands of miles!
Rusty Griswold: Dad wasn't speeding. The cop stopped us because Dad forgot to...
Ellen Griswold: He was speeding, Rusty!
Rusty Griswold: No he wasn't, Mom. He...
Clark: Rusty! Listen to your mother. I was speeding. I was driving like a maniac. We can all be grateful for this man for stopping us. You see kids...
(the motorcycle cop appears at the car window with the dog leash)
Motorcycle Cop: Here's the leash, sir. I'm going back to get the rest of the carcass off the road.

(Clark has just been pulled over by a Colorado motorcycle cop)
Clark: Hi officer, what's the problem?
Motorcycle Cop: Get out of the car!
(Clark exits from the car)
Clark: I don't think I was speeding. Was I weaving or something?
Motorcycle Cop: Shut your mouth, sir! You know, if I weren't in uniform, I'd split your skull with the butt of this revolver faster than you can say, "police brutality!"
Clark: Well whatever I did, I'm sure I can explain...
(the motorcycle cop forcibily takes Clark by the arm and leads him to the rear of the car, which has a dog leash still tied to it)
Motorcycle Cop: Explain this, you son-of-a-bitch!
Clark: Oh my God...

Cousin Dale: (to Rusty) Do you ever "bop your baloney"?

Clark: (to the campground cashier) 37 dollars for three tents?

Clark: (after being in the desert for too long, Clark begins to go insane) Taxi! Taxi! Here boy!

Rusty Griswold: Dad, this isn't the car you ordered.
Clark: Settle down Russ. Ed, uh, this is not the car I ordered.

Ellen Griswold: Lord, we loved this woman with all our heart.
Audrey Griswold: Let's not overdo it, mom.
Ellen Griswold: Shut up.

Rusty Griswold: That was a crummy Wyatt Earp dad. He was wearing jogging shoes.
Clark: They used to Rusty.