Cab Driver: (Phil tells him to take him to the kidnappers) Did you say "kidnap"?
Phil Moscowitz: Yeah, that's right.
Cab Driver: All right, but first it's time for a little sight seeing. Coming up on your right is the world-reknowned factory where the broken Japanese toys are made.
High Macha Of Rashpur: It is written, "he who makes the best egg salad shall rule over heaven and earth." Don't ask me why egg salad - I've got enough aggravation.
Shepherd Wong: I'm dying. Call my rabbi.
Phil Moscowitz: Saracen pig! Spartan dog! Take this! And this! Roman cow! Russian snake! Spanish fly!Anglo-Saxon Hun!
High Macha Of Rashpur: Good afternoon. I am the Grand Exalted High Macha of Raspur, a nonexistent but real-sounding country.
Phil Moscowitz: Uh-huh.
High Macha Of Rashpur: Yes. We're on a waiting list. As soon as there's an opening on the map, we're next.
The Interviewer: Woody, since the story is a bit difficult to follow, would you mind giving the audience and myself a brief rundown on what's gone on so far?
Woody Allen: (casually) No.
Suki Yaki: I'm such a great piece!
Teri Yaki: I wish Phil would get here. It's getting awfully late.
Suki Yaki: (Running to answer a knock at the door) It's Phil, bringing the promise of joy and fulfillment in its most primitive form!
Teri Yaki: I hope he brought the vibrator.
High Macha Of Rashpur: They kill, they maim and they call information for numbers they could easily look up in the book.
Hoodlum: Cobra Man listen. I don't like snakes. You have to pamper them so much, fer cryin' out loud?
Wing Fat: (Surronded by Shepard Wong's henchman) Ha, ha, ha! The joke's on you, I threw that suitcase overboard to my henchman. He's right out there!
Guy On The Boat: Hey boss! Hey Boss! I got the bag! Oh, I'm such a terrific henchman!
Teri Yaki: (talking about Shepherd Wong) I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.
Shepherd Wong: You interupt Shepherd Wong? That's the thing to do?
Smiling young man: Would the owner of the rickshaw with license plate number 406, please remove it. Your coolie has a hernia.
Phil Moscowitz: No bullets? Ah, but if all of you in the audience who believe in fairies will clap your hands, then my gun will be magically filled with bullets.
Phil Moscowitz: I thought you said you loved me!
Wing Fat: I love you in my own way.
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