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Miss Davis: Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?
Student: Boner? Is boner one?
Miss Davis: Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good!

Police Officer: Congratulations.
Charlie Tweeder: Congratulations to you, too.
Police Officer: Congratulations for what?
Charlie Tweeder: For getting to wear such cute "mountme" hats.
Police Officer: Mount me?
Charlie Tweeder: Not right away. After a few drinks...

Police Officer: These kids there just running around wild these days. Them kids last night they stole a cop car.
Bar Man: NO?
Police Officer: Yes! And then they exposed theyselves!
Bar Man: Exposed theyselves?
Police Officer: Yes! They put them wieners on the glass at the Alano Club, while the ladies were rehearsing the Christmas pageant.

Charlie Tweeder: (Mox lines up the second string offense in an unusual formation) What the hell kind of formation is that? Kilmer's gonna eat his ass, watch this...
(Kilmer blows his whistle)

Coach Bud Kilmer: Cry me a river, you fat fucking baby!

Jonathon "Mox' Moxon: If we go out and half-ass it 'cause we're scared, then we'll always wonder if we were really good enough. But if we go out there and give it all we've got... that's heroic. You guys wanna be heroes?

Bud Kilmer: The hard work of so many, sacrificed by the disrespect of few.

Mox: I'm a good boy. I've always been good. What's my upside to being good?
(looks at at box of condoms)
Mox: I mean I'm 18 years old, it's not like I'm married to her. She invited me over. I'm just being polite, right Kyle?
Mox: Kyle?
Kyle: I only answer to one name. I am the Great and Honorable Al-Ali Akbar Shabaz Da.
Mox: That's a bunch of names.
Kyle: But there is only one god. All praise be to Allah.
Mox: Yeah. Well, would Allah nail Darcy if he had the chance? I think so.

Mox: Playing football at West Canaan may have been the opportunity of your lifetime, but I don't want your life!

Charlie Tweeder: Will you listen to me? Bitches are all just panty droppers. You understand? That's it.
Mox: What?
Charlie Tweeder: Listen. You give 'em a Percocet, two Vicodin and a couple of beers, and the panties drop. It's very nice.
Mox: (laughing)
Charlie Tweeder: (emphatically) It's nice.
Mox: Tweeder, you think you'll enjoy prison?
Charlie Tweeder: (not paying attention) I don't know.
Charlie Tweeder: (looks into his jockstrap) The fuck is that?

Billy Bob: (staring at Miss Davis's breasts) Miss Davis, would you go to the prom with me?

Jonathon "Mox' Moxon: The male erection? Pitchin' a tent, sportin' a wood, the icicle if formed, the march is on...
Miss Davis: That's good...
Jonathon "Mox' Moxon: Stiff, stiffie, Mr. Mortis, rigor mortis has set in, flesh rocket, Jack's magic beanstalk, tall Tommy, mushroom on a stick, Mr. Mushroomhead, purple-headed yogurt slinger... and, uh, Pedro.
Miss Davis: Pedro?
Jonathon "Mox' Moxon: Mm-hum.

Coach Bud Kilmer: Your daddy was a no-talent pussy, but at least he listened!

Mox: In America, we have laws. Laws against killing, laws against stealing. And it is just accepted that as a member of American society, you will live by these laws. In West Canaan, Texas, there is another society which has it's own laws. Football is a way of life.

Charlie Tweeder: (Mooning Mox and Billy Bob through the truck window) Good moonin, boys! Good moonin! I have been up since the crack of dawn and I had to *ass* you a question.

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