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Mr. Feather: It's time to unleash our secret weapon; I call it "Black-man's Kryptonite"


Man: Identify yourselfs!
Conspiracy Brother: I'm with Island Fortress Cleaning Service sir.
Man: Oh, okay.
Sistah Girl: Thank you. Your so sweet.


Conspiracy Brother: No, it's once your black there's no turning back.


James Brown: Say it loud!
Mr. Feather: I'm black and I'm proud!


Penelope Snow: Once you've been with Undercover Brother, there is no other.


Undercover Brother: You know what they say, behind every great black man...
Conspiracy Brother: is the police.
Undercover Brother: No.
Smart Brother: A bunch of slow white athletes?
Undercover Brother: No!
White She-Devil: A cute butt.
Undercover Brother: NO!
Lance: Probable cause.


Undercover Brother: What it is, chief?


Conspiracy Brother: Jesus Christ: black man. Babe Ruth: black man. Madonna:... slept with black men.


Penelope Snow: Hi Ton-ja. Listen... I was wondering, do you have any Dickies? 'Cause I couldn't find them.
Sistah Girl: (glaring at Undercover Brother/Anton) Really? Perhaps we're all *sold out*.
Penelope Snow: Aw, that's too bad. Come on, Anton. I saw a mock turtleneck at Eddie Bauer that's perfect for you.


(Knock on door)
Mr. Feather: Who's there?
Undercover Brother: Kung.
Mr. Feather: Kung who?
(Anton kicks down the door)
Undercover Brother: Kung Fu!


Conspiracy Brother: The computer, another idea stolen from the black man.


Lance: We gotta get the hell out of here! We're gonna die! We're all gonna die!
Undercover Brother: (slaps Lance) Dig it...
(slaps him again)
Undercover Brother: ... and dig it hard!
Lance: (softly) Daddy...


(after "The Boss" leaves him to die for failing)
Mr. Feather: Hey! Don't go dissing me!


Lance: So let me get this straight; whenever a black guy does well, starts wearing Dockers, buys a few Celine Dion records, and sleeps with a White chick, you automatically say he's sold out?
The Chief: That's enough, Lance!
Lance: Always trying to shut the white man down.
Conspiracy Brother: THAT'S RIGHT! That's Right!... Oh, that ain't right.


Undercover Brother: Hi.
Conspiracy Brother: "Hi"? What you mean "hi"? Like "high yellow wanna be white"? "High" like the *white man* wants to keep us? Wait, you don't smell any weed on me, do you?
Undercover Brother: Brother, when you get a minute, could I get a list of the words that trigger these fits?


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