(Stanley has been caught eavesdropping) Helen Roper: Stanley! You should say you're sorry. Stanley Roper: All right, all right, I'm sorry. Helen Roper: And you'll never do it again. Stanley Roper: And I'll never do it again. Helen Roper: And you'll take fifty dollars off next month's rent. Stanley Roper: And I'll never do it again.
Ralph Furley: You can't follow The Brady Bunch if you miss the beginning!
Ralph Furley: This is a respectable building. NO ROMAN ORGIES!
Larry: I just wanted to know if you wanted to spend an evening with a beautiful, young lady. Jack Tripper: No thanks, pal. I'd rather spend an evening with Janet.
Terri: I just felt sorry for you! Jack Tripper: Sorry for me? Why would anybody feel sorry for me? Janet Wood Dawson: Oh, lots of reasons.
Ralph Furley: Ohhhh, I'm through with women. Jack Tripper: Aww. Ralph Furley: Don't you get any ideas!
Janet Wood Dawson: Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't tell anybody you're a chef, okay? Jack Tripper: Okay, mum's the word. Janet Wood Dawson: Well, it's not that there's anything wrong with what you do, Jack. It's just that... everybody here looks so important and we want to make a good impression. Well, you understand, don't you? Jack Tripper: *Of course*, pumpkin. Janet Wood Dawson: Oh, thanks. Jack Tripper: You're ashamed of me!
Larry: What the heck am I gonna do without a friend like you? (he breaks down crying) Jack Tripper: Well, Larry, I'm only moving about a mile away. Larry: You shoulda told me that before I made a fool of myself!
Jack Tripper: It's time to toast the bride and groom. To Gloria and Larry, happy days! Janet Wood Dawson: Good times! Chrissy: Little House on the Prairie!
Stanley Roper: Will you put some clothes on? My wife's here! Helen Roper: Mind your own business, Stanley. Stanley Roper: What if the towel slips? Helen Roper: Mind your own business, Stanley. Chrissy: Jack, you have some shaving cream on your face. Jack Tripper: Oh, thank you. Chrissy: (shouts) No, Jack! Helen Roper: Mind your own business, Chrissy!
Helen Roper: Oh, why don't you go see your dentist! Stanley Roper: What for? Helen Roper: Because your toothache is giving me a pain. Stanley Roper: Then you go see the dentist. Helen Roper: The place I got a pain you don't see a dentist.
Ralph Furley: (after hearing Terry play the Violin very badly) Who's *killing* a cat up here?
Jack Tripper: And speaking of current events, did you read the *big* news in the paper this morning? Chrissy: The May Company is having a huge sale on pantyhose. Jack Tripper: Excuse me, Chrissy, that's not exactly a current event. Chrissy: It is so, it's going on right now.
Chrissy: Jack, that smells good. Jack Tripper: Chrissy, I haven't even started cooking yet. Chrissy: Well, you better hurry up and start cooking so you can catch up with the smell.
Stanley Roper: Helen, I just wanted to prove to you that other woman found me attractive. And I proved it. Mrs. Roper: Well, fine, go to her. See if I care. I hope you're happy. Stanley Roper: I don't want to be happy; I want to be with you.