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Rooster: Guy's got two things in this life: his water bowl and his dignity. You take one, you take the other.

Rooster: The first step of not being afraid is *acting* like you're not afraid. So, are you scared? Max: (cowering down and shaking with fear) No. Rooster: *Are* you scared? Max: (brings himself up to full height with confidence) No! No, I'm not! Rooster: Now you're talking.

Snowball: I just freed a tiger. That's not bragging, I'm just saying what happened. When you're awesome, everything you say sounds like bragging.

Chloe: Okay, Gidget, eat Sweet Pea. Gidget: What? Chloe: Cats eat birds. It's nature. Gidget: Yeah, I'm gonna pass. Chloe: No, no, no, you used your one pass on the litter box. You have to do this. Gidget: But... Chloe: Buh-buh-buh-buh... do it! Buddy: You're seriously going to make Gidget eat Sweet Pea? Chloe: Oh, no, no, no, no, of course not. I'm just freaking her... (They gasp in shock as Gidget puts Sweet Pea in her mouth) Gidget: Okay, what's next? Chloe: Gidget, no! That's... Bad dog! Bad cat-dog!

Max: Gotta say, not a big fan of the farm.

Katie: (from the trailer) (on seeing Liam copying Duke and Max cocking their legs against a tree) Katie: Oh... no... no... no... This way buddy Liam: (defiantly as he is scooped up in the air) Na... oh

Chloe: (about using the litter box) You gotta, It's a fact of life. Gidget: Absolutely not! Never gonna happen. Mel: (Inside litter box) Guys, I found treats! (comes out chewing something, others look on in disgust) Buddy: Aw, Mel!

Rooster: (very last line; when the closing credits scroll is ending) Okay. Moment's over.

Rooster: Why is the kid in a cage? Is there something wrong with him? Does he have the fever? Max: That's Liam. He likes to run. Rooster: So let him run. Max: Well, Liam's super fast. We blink and he's up a tree. Rooster: So then your kid's up a tree? What's the problem? Max: Well, he could fall. Rooster: He might. Max: And he hurts himself. Rooster: So he got really high up in this hypothetical tree. Max: I, uh... Rooster: He gets hurt, he learns not to do it again. You know how many electric cords I've chewed? Max: Like, multiple cords? Rooster: One. It shocked me. Walked backwards for a week, but I never chewed another cord again.

Katie: Hey, Maxie. Let's go for a walk. Max: (as he's going for a walk with Katie) Ah, I gotta admit this is nice. (Max walks by another dog with its owner) Dog: I don't want to go to the vet! Max: Uh, the vet! (he stops walking) Max: No! No, no, no! Katie: Come on, buddy! Max: You tricked me! (Katie pulls on Max's leash dragging him into the vet)

Gidget: Snowball? What are you doing in Max's apartment? Snowball: What are you doing hanging out with every cat in the universe?

Snowball: (Snowball is dressed in his superhero outfit) Good morning, New York City! (starts singing his superhero theme as he's posing for a flight off) Max: Snowball, what are you doing? Snowball: What's it look like I'm doing? I'm doing superhero stuff.

Daisy: Excuse me, do any of you know Captain Snowball? Snowball: Uh, yes. Yes, we do. Chloe: And here we go. Daisy: My name is Daisy, and I really got to talk to him. I don't mean to sound dramatic, but a poor defenseless animal needs saving. I need Captain Snowball for a top secret mission... Snowball: Well, I got to go. But nice meeting you, uh, what was it again? Daisy: Okay, you don't listen. It's Daisy. Snowball: (he starts hopping off) Whatever. Okay, I got the dude that gets stuff to do things. Bye-bye. Daisy: Mmm-hmm. That was weird. Chloe: Oh, sister. It's about to get way weirder.

Snowball: I'm gonna be the first rabbit with washboard glutes.

Duke: So many smells I've never smelled before! My nose is so confused, and happy!

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