Maggie Cutler: (to Sheridan) Don't you pull any of your tricks on me, because I'm on to every one of them. So lay off. That's my message to you... "Big" Lord Fauntleroy!
Dr. E. Bradley: (repeated line, most of the times the doctor appears out of a side door just when Whiteside is at the center of a three ring circus of activity) Mr. Whiteside, are you busy?
Beverly Carlton: Sherry, without launching into mountainous waves of self-pity, how are you?
Beverly Carlton: How can one man possibly be as clever as I am?
Sheridan Whiteside: How long can you stay? Banjo: Just long enough to take a bath.
Nurse Preen: Mr. Whiteside, I can only be in one place at a time. Sheridan Whiteside: That's very fortunate for this community.
Banjo: (lasciviously to Nurse Preen) Come to my room in a half hour and bring some rye bread. Share this quote
Banjo: (to Nurse Preen) I can feel the hot blood pounding through your varicose veins.
Bertram H. 'Bert' Jefferson: How do you think Ohio women stack up? Sheriden Whiteside: I've never gone in for stacking women up so I really can't say.
Sheridan Whiteside: I suppose you've written the great American novel. Bertram H. 'Bert' Jefferson: No, I've written the great American play. Sheridan Whiteside: Well I don't want to read it.
Sheridan Whiteside: Is there a man in the world who suffers as I do from the gross inadequacies of the human race?
Sheridan Whiteside: Get your fish-hooks off me!
Sheridan Whiteside: I simply will not sit down to dinner with midwestern barbarians, I think too highly of my digestive system. Maggie Cutler: Harry Clarke is one of your oldest friends. Sheridan Whiteside: My stomach is an older one. Maggie Cutler: And Mrs. Stanley is president of the women's club. Sheridan Whiteside: I wouldn't care if she was the whole cabinet.
Sheridan Whiteside: This ageing debutante, Mr. Jefferson, I retain in my employ only because she is the sole support of her two-headed brother!
Sheriden Whiteside: Will you take your clammy hand off my chair? You have the touch of a love-starved cobra.
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