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Joe: Vicki's making eyes at you man. Go talk to her. She's so into it. Biaggio: There's no point in me talking to her anyways. Joe: Why not? Biaggio: Joe, I'm gay. Joe: Are you sure? Biaggio: Yes, my lungs fill up every time the seasons change. Joe: That's not being gay, Biaggio. Biaggio: What? Joe: Pretty sure that's Cystic Fibrosis. Biaggio: Oh.

Frank: Yes, I experienced a childhood on the planet Earth. I've heard the story of the boy who cried wolf.

Patrick: I can deal with the fact that the chickens are store bought. Okay? I can! But it really bothers me that the loaded potato isn't Biagio's recipe... Joe: No! No no, that actually really is. I- I honestly have no idea where he's getting chives.

Frank: You're right, it's a classic kidnapping. They took our children and the canned goods and pasta.

Biaggio: Do you know we've been walking for half a mile? I can tell by how much we've bonded. Joe: You haven't said a word the whole time.

Joe: I don't trust that old guy. Biaggio: He has a shadow behind his eyes. Vicki: How long have you been standing there? Biaggio: Hello Joe: That's not an answer.

Frank: My question for you, Gary, is: How do you want me to eat these with my normal human mouth? Do you want me to unhinge my jaw like an anaconda? Should I put this in my belly and lay out in the sun for two months, digesting it?

Biaggio: In Italian, the word for snake means 'the demon's cock'. Patrick: No it doesn't. Biaggio: There's a chance that it doesn't.

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