Alan: What? It's a bag of Fanta!
Kimmy: This one was following me like little puppy dog all around, all night, saying that he fall in love with me, asked to marry me. Alan: Classic Stu. Kimmy: I dance for him, he tickle me, we have sex... Phil: You're not married yet it's no big deal. Stu Price: It's cheating. No offense to you, you're a lovely woman, it's a violation of my moral code. Kimmy: What code is that? Stu you loved it, you were crying saying how special it was. I had to slow down so I didn't drop my load too quick. Stu Price: Load? Alan: What load? Kimmy: Oh you know, my sperm. Stu Price: That is wrong, you're talking about my sperm. Where would your sperm come from? Kimmy: My balls. You're in Bangkok, there's a reason they don't call it Bangcunt!
Mr. Chow: Tell that gay monkey to leave my shit alone!
Phil: Chow, we're in Bangkok? Mr. Chow: Holla city of squala
Alan: I wish monkeys could Skype. Maybe someday.
Stu Price: (Phil pulls the prescription pad out of his pants) Was this right up against your scrotum? Phil: Yup!
Phil: You wouldn't even be with her if it wasn't for us! Stu Price: Oh, this will be good! Phil: Stu, think about it! You ended up ditching Melissa... two years later, you met your true soulmate. You take Vegas out of that equation, you would've married a cunt! (Old couple looks over and gives Phil dirty looks) Phil: Oh, it's ok... No, I'm allowed to say it, it's a bachelor party. Drink up everybody! Oh wait, there's no alcohol. I forgot, we're at a fuckin' Ihop!
Alan: So what, are you a doctor? Teddy: No, not yet, I'm pre-med. Alan: Ever heard of that guy, Doogie Howser? Teddy: Yea? Alan: Well, he turned out to be a gay! Doug: Alan! Alan: It's true, I read it in Teen People.
Teddy: Hey... Can I sit here? Alan: uh-uh... Wolfpack only
Alan: (as they are walking through the temple) What is this, a PF Changs?
Grand Wizard: Perhaps you should bring your question to the Garden of Meditation. Phil: Did you understand a word he just said? Stu Price: Yeah I understood about two thirds. He said something about the Garden of Meditation. Alan: No he said he's farting because of his medication.
Mr. Chow: (holding up his hand while entering a restaurant) Stop! Chow crossing. Share this quote
Mr. Chow: I do blow all night. Monkey jerk me off while I watch Stu make fuck with lady-boy.
Mr. Chow: What's the matter, you never do blow before? Sometimes your heart stop, it start up again. Read a book.
Stu Price: Woah! Here's the deal man, I got a dark side. There's a demon in me. Alan: It's true, he has semen in him. Stu Price: I said demon. Alan: But you also have semen in you remember, from the... Stu Price: It's not relevant, but thank you Alan.
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