Wayne: Carlos your drunk! Carlos: (Carlos throws up) Blaaaaaa!
Howie: Richie? (hands out a bottle of urine) Richie: Okay, buddy. Clark: Is that apple juice? Richie: Nooo.
Troy: Listen, we have a game tomorrow, and there's only one field to practice on - so, beat it! (pushes Nelson)
Clark: That nerd makes me look like Rambo. Richie: No. Clark: John Stamos? Richie: Warmer.
Kyle: Time to meet your makers! Clark: Makers of what? POOP?
Richie: Clark! You kissed a girl before I did? Clark: This is way better than macaroni!
Gus: Move over honey, I gotta take a leak. Liz: Oh my God! You're not kidding!
Clark: Shut up, Number 7! Number 7 Robot: You shut up! Clark: I'll kill you!
Gus: (upon seeing Carlos enter) Hey, what's going on here? How come he's playing? Wayne: Oh, ah, I couldn't play him before because he was feeling ill. Carlos: Me tummy, es sicko. Umpire: Well you got proof he's a kid? Gus: Come on! Look at his beard. He's 50. Wayne: Not according to birth certifico. (hands umpire the crumpled up paper he saw earlier) Umpire: (looks inside and sees 'I am 12' written in green crayon, with a picture of Carlos and $10. He carefully pockets the $10 and folds the paper back up) He's got documentation. Play ball!
Mel: Richie, do you have any kids? Richie: Never had a date. Mel: Clark? Clark: Never spoke to a girl. Mel: Gu-Gus? Gus: Ugh, My wife and I are kinda working on it.
Howie: What's going all the way? Wayne: (whispers in Howie's ear) Howie: Oh. (squeezes suntan lotion and screams) Howie: Aaaaaah!
Clark: We could still win this thing. Richie: Wha-how? Clark: If we use the force. Richie: Let's try not to be too geeky, Clark. Clark: The Force is powerful, my young padawan. Howie: He's right. It is.
Howie: (quivering) Carlos? Carlos: Who say my name? Howie: (gives him 2 packs of beer and a tequila) I brought you a present from the Benchwarmers. You're really good at baseball. Carlos: (happy) Thank you Albino. (bold) Carlos: Now get lost! Howie: (cowers away screeching)
Clark: (a ball hits Richie in the head) Duuuuhhhr! Richie: You just lost your membership at video world! Clark: Dang it!
Richie: Clark, we don't play baseball. Clark: I told Gus that we would be there, and if we don't show up, that makes me a liar... and that's not what I'm about... Not now, NOT EVER! Richie: Okay, Okay Daytime Emmy
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