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Lt. Amos: Two words. "Disco Express."
Ford Fairlane: Disco Express? They blew dog. And that lead singer, he kinda looked like...
Lt. Amos: Like ME, right?
Ford Fairlane: Yeah. I was gonna say he looked like shit, but... he looked like you.

Ford Fairlane: What's the definition of a vagina? The box a penis comes in.

Slam the Rapper: You stupid Sal's Pizza garlic-breath smellin' motherfucker. Today is the last day of the rest of your life.

Ford Fairlane: (to Smiley) 'ello, 'ello... fuckface!

Colleen Sutton: Nothing disgusts me. At the age of eleven I walked in on my father and the Shetland pony. Does that excite you?
Ford Fairlane: I don't know, I never met your father.

Ford Fairlane: So many assholes... So few bullets...

Smiley: Ford, I'll take her with me, I swear I will.

Julian Grendel: My mother used to say..."If you can't say something nice about someone, make sure they're out of the goddamn room!"

Ford Fairlane: Johnny was the only guy who could out-disgust me. When we were kids we had gross-out contests. I coughed a pile of phlegm on a table, he said "Nice try." and pulled out a straw...

Ford Fairlane: I could crack my knuckles with more rhythm.

Don Cleveland: You got to shave before you leave the house in a dress like that... and I don't mean your legs.

Ford Fairelaine: What the fuck is mano e mano? use your head. Snappa Head.

Smiley: 'ello, 'ello.

(to his erection)
Ford Fairlane: Come on, down boy. Down Stanley. Roseanne Barr naked. Gone.

Ford Fairlane: (falling off roof of Capitol Records building) My hair. My hair.

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