ford fairlane/johnny crunch: Here's to you... suckin' my dick.
Amiable Tourist: Can you give us directions to Mann's Chinese Theatre?
Ford Fairlane: Hey. Go back to Michigan.
Amiable Tourist: We're from Wisconsin.
Ford Fairlane: Yeah, and I'm from my dad's penis. Now fuck off.
Ford Fairlane: Have a twinkie, snapperhead.
(being frisked by security guard)
Ford Fairlane: Oh, Arnie. Sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too MUCH.
(kicks him in the face)
Smiley: Oh, no thanks, I've got me own.
Lt. Amos: You think you are so hot 'cos you get in all the clubs, heh? Just because you have sex with great looking women...
Ford Fairlane: You got to admit those are pretty good reasons...
(Looking at a corpse's breasts)
Ford Fairlane: Damn, baby, I hope you signed some organ donor cards.
Ford Fairlane: Yo. Snapperhead.
Ford Fairlane: I could've been a rock singer, if only I hadn't been banned from MTV. Long story. But anyway, I only know that one song. Well, I do a mean "Puff the Magic Dragon," but only in the nude. Longer story.
Ford Fairlane: I'll be at Julie Grendel's. I want to see if he knows what a hoo-er thief his ex piece-of-shit wife is.
Ford Fairlane: I'm so terrific I have my own toll-free number: 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE.
Ford Fairlane: Some people play hard to get. I play hard to want.
Ford Fairlane: You're 10 seconds away from the most embarrassing moment in your life.
Ford Fairlane: Conversation with Zuzu Petals was like masturbating with a cheese grater: slightly amusing, but mostly painful.
Ford Fairlane: 1969 Fender Stratocaster, original pick-ups, maple neck, strung upside down for a left-handed motherfucking genius, Jimi Hendrix.
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