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(about Woodstock) "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: I wore flowers in my hair and meditated for hours on end. I was finding God all over the place... He kept ditching me.

"Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: I went to Woodstock. Bobby Wheeler: Oh yeah? You went to Woodstock? "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: Yep, half a million people gathered together in peace and harmony, grooving to Joni and The Who... hey, you know, if I hadn't gone, there would have only been 499,999 people... lucky for them I went.

Tony Banta: You mean, they didn't tell you they were going to tear down your apartment building? "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: Well, you put up with a few minor inconveniences when you live in a condemned building.

"Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: Yeah, I did some drugs, though probably not as many as you think. How many drugs do you think I did? Elaine Nardo: A lot. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: Wow! Right on the nose!

Elaine Nardo: Dress is optional... He means how we dress, not if we dress, right? Alex Rieger: No, I don't think so. Elaine Nardo: Why? Alex Rieger: (showing Elaine his invitation) Yours is the only one that says that.

(in the mountains, Jim hits his head) Alex Rieger: Jim, are you alright? "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: Yeah... who are you? Alex Rieger: I'm Alex. We're friends, we work together. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: What are we, lumberjacks? Alex Rieger: No, we're cabdrivers. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: I bet we don't do much business up here!

Alex Rieger: It's so quiet up here you can hear yourself think. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: I don't hear anything.

Louie De Palma: Ignatowski! Where have you been all week? "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: I don't work weekends. Louie De Palma: You been gone nine days! "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: Yeah... Tony Banta: Jim, weekends are only two days. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: Oh, I thought we'd switched to the metric system.

Louie De Palma: Jim, your father is no longer with us. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: He never was. He lives in Boston. Louie De Palma: No, I mean, he's gone on to his final resting place. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: A condo in Palm Beach?

"Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: (as he hands out invitations) Bobby, do you spell your name with one "o" or two? Bobby Wheeler: One. "Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: I'll get it right next time, "Booby".

Zena Sherman: You got an attitude problem, you got a personality problem, you got a sensitivity problem, you got an emotional problem, you got a maturity problem, you got a sexual problem... Louie De Palma: What do you mean? Zena Sherman: That's all you think about! Louie De Palma: And that's the problem? Zena Sherman: Yeah. Louie De Palma: Whew!

Louie De Palma: What're you listening to, Banta? Tony Banta: I can be here if I want to. Louie De Palma: No, you can't. Tony Banta: This is America, Louie. Louie De Palma: No, it isn't. Tony Banta: It isn't? Louie De Palma: No! This is Louieland. You want America, go outside!

"Reverend" Jim Ignatowski: I wonder about things, like, if they call an orange an "orange," then why don't we call a banana a "yellow" or an apple a "red"? Blueberries, I understand. But will someone explain gooseberries to me?

Alex Rieger: We're arguing because we care too much, and we're breaking up because we don't care enough.

Monica Banta: You must be Louie. Louie De Palma: How did you know my name? Monica Banta: I only had three people described to me. One was smart, one was good-looking, and one was you.

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