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Geoffrey Jellineck: Hello, Judas.
Chuck Noblet: Sorry, Geoffrey, I can't hear you above the roar of my success.

Jerri Blank: Don't think about sex. Don't think about sex. Don't think about sex. Oh it's hard. Oh, Hard.

(Talking to a tree she has just planted)
Jerri Blank: You know, you and me have got a lot in common, we both have thick leathery bark, we both have initials carved into our trunks, and we're both setting down new roots.

(Jerri is running for homecoming queen)
Jerri Blank: I was nominated today.
Sara Blank: Oh Jerri, I'm sorry. Kids can be so cruel in their pranks. I'll have your father call Principal Blackman tomorrow.
Jerri Blank: It wasn't a prank. It's for real, stepmother. And I have a good chance at winning.
Sara Blank: Of course you do, darling. And I'm a caribou.

Jerri Blank: Dreams can happen
Sara Blank: It's nice that you think that, dear.

Jerri Blank: What are you painting?
Mr. Geoffrey Jellineck: Oh, just a little bit of Americana for Drug Awareness Week. It's the Battle of Miami. Columbus here, fighting the pilgrims as they attempt to land.

Chuck Noblet: So, is there no Mrs. Jellineck?
Geoffrey Jellineck: No...
Chuck Noblet: Divorce?
Geoffrey Jellineck: She was, uh, she was murdered.
Chuck Noblet: Sometimes that can be just as painful.

Geoffrey Jellineck: Jellineck. Geoffrey Jellineck. I'm the new art teacher.
Chuck Noblet: Oh of course you are! Hi, I'm Chuck Noblet. Social studies, creative writing, school newspaper, assistant to the principal...
Geoffrey Jellineck: What don't you do!
Chuck Noblet: Get my lesson plans in on time!

Jerri Blank: "Packing a Musket", by Jerri Blank. When you work from your home and johns call on the phone, you're a call girl. When you walk 'til you limp and give a cut to a pimp, you're a street whore. When they're beggin' you please to get down on your knees near their groinage, excusa me, but you see, don't you touch where they pee without coinage.
Mr. Chuck Noblet: Thank you, Jerri...
Jerri Blank: When I straddle and squat, to show you my...
(Bell rings)

Jerri Blank: I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.

Father: What now, Jerri?
Jerri Blank: I want to go home.
Father: Fine. You're not a prisoner here. There are no bars on our electrified fences. We don't have attack dogs lurking in the alligator-infested swamps surrounding this compound.
Father: (Holds up a sandal) Here. Call your parents, have them come and pick you up.
Jerri Blank: That's a sandal.
Father: More distrust, Jerri!

Chuck Noblet: Following his violent revolution, Gandhi was devoured by his followers.

Mr. Chuck Noblet: (Noblet is 'trying' to break a cult's hold over Jerri) Come on, Jerri! Let's go!
Jerri Blank: Where?
Mr. Chuck Noblet: Back to the cult! We'll go through the furnace and then out the air shaft!
Jerri Blank: We'll burn to death!
Mr. Chuck Noblet: Father will protect us! Where's your faith, woman?

Mr. Chuck Noblet: (to Jerri, who wants to run for Homecoming Queen) You want to hear a little secret? You're only as ugly as we think you are.

Ricky: You just gave me away?
Jerri Blank: No, no, never. I traded you for a guitar. God, and all these years I've wondered, "What happened to that guitar?"

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