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(repeated line) Ruth Fisher: Really and truly?

Celeste: You ever been with a woman? Officer Keith Charles: Of course. Celeste: I don't get fucked in the ass. Officer Keith Charles: That makes one of us.

George Sibley: I've made a lot of enemies through the years. You take the backstabbing world of academia, throw in a controversial field like geology and you've got real trouble. Claire: Geology is controversial? George Sibley: Oil, Claire. Oil.

Nate: Why do you treat me like shit all the time, Brenda? Brenda: Because I've had a really fucked-up life and I need sarcasm to hide how ridiculously miserable I am!

Officer Keith Charles: (talking to David about marriage) You're in my will, I'm in yours. We basically are married, even if the law refuses to recognize it. But then again, I refuse to recognize most of the Bush Administration. I guess it all evens out.

Maggie Sibley: I know that if you think life's a vending machine where you put in virtue and take out happiness than you're going to be disappointed.

Claire: You know, at first I was worried, but now I'm just pissed.

(holding picture) Nate: There's something weird about twins, about these twins anyway. (shows picture to Brenda) Brenda: They're cute. Nate: They smell like bananas.

Celeste: Creepy Colin Farrell just left me another creepy message; can't we do something about that, y'know legally?

Celeste: (on the phone) Fine, I'll do the crappy Kids Choice Awards, but I'm not presenting with Hilary fucking Duff.

Claire: If we live our lives the right way then everything we do can become a work of art.

Claire: Well, isn't it comforting to know that being miserable is still better than being an idiot?

(Parker is about to have sex) Guy at party: How old are you? Parker: How old do you want me to be?

Brenda: The future is just a fucking concept that we use to avoid living today.

(Parker is about to have sex) Guy at party: How old are you? Parker: How old do you want me to be?

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