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"We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself."

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

Williams is 'the Tasmanian devil of comedy'. - Entertainment Weekly

You can start any Monty Python routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand.

Cocaine is God's way of telling you you are making too much money.

Countering the complaint that the juiciest roles go to younger actors: "They (the roles) may not be financially enriching, but personally enriching? Yes. You are no longer under pressure. You don't have to prove yourself on some levels, but you do have to (creatively) push yourself."

Comedy is acting out optimism.

If you watch it backwards, it has a plot. - about Popeye (1980)

(on his acting career): "All the new people you meet, it's pretty amazing. The vampire needs new blood. And there is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful."

Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying 'I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award.' The other is 'You want fries with that?'

Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all of its students.

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

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