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Rasputia: Hell to the no!


Pope Sweet Jesus: It's raining little white women. Lord Have Mercy: My prayers have been answered! Pope Sweet Jesus: She'd better move, 'cause my prayers are for a Cadillac.


(Blue watches a Buster Perkins "Power Tap" video while doing a power tap exercise) Blue Latimore: Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap... (Norbit smashes the window downstairs in the basement) Blue Latimore: (shocked; run downstairs to see that Norbit escaped) Norbit! Norbit? Norbit? Oh, damn. He escaped. Norbit! NORBIT! Blue Latimore: (as Norbit pedals off) You're ass is mine, Norbit!


Big Jack: Here you go, Norbit. Saved the best piece for you. (puts turkey on Norbit's plate) Norbit - Age 9: What's that? Big Jack: Turkey ass. Eat up sucker. Bon appetitty.


Deion Hughes: Did you say a titty bar?


(the choir finished singing; the congregation is wildly happy)
Deion Hughes: (screaming) That's enough! THAT'S ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! ENOUGH! Stop the music!
Pope Sweet Jesus: Hold on...
Deion Hughes: (cuts Pope off) Shut up! You two, shut up! That's it. This is husband-and-wife time. Now, let's go. Let's go. Husband-and-wife stuff.


Rasputia: Go over and get another wine cooler. It's hot as hell out here. Don't you see I'm sweltering?
Norbit: Rasputia, you can't drink wine.
Rasputia: Why the hell not?
Norbit: You're with child.
Rasputia: With child? I ain't with no... Oh. Oh, that was... I had gas. I still got it.
Rasputia: (farts) There's your child. Now go get me something to drink.
Rasputia: (farts again) Twins!


(Blue watches a Buster Perkins "Power Tap" video while doing a power tap exercise)
Blue Latimore: Tap, tap, tap. Tap, tap...
(Norbit smashes the window downstairs in the basement)
Blue Latimore: (shocked; run downstairs to see that Norbit escaped) Norbit! Norbit? Norbit? Oh, damn. He escaped. Norbit! NORBIT!
Blue Latimore: (as Norbit pedals off) You're ass is mine, Norbit!


Teen Attendant: Excuse me ma'am. We have a 300 lb weight limit.
Rasputia: I don't weigh no damn 300 lbs. I weigh 165! How YOU doin'?


Pope Sweet Jesus: The wrapper says 'Ribbed for her pleasure' but turn it inside out and it's ribbed for YOUR pleasure


Rasputia: (Rasputia gets into her car with Norbit and her chest keeps pressing the horn) God damm it, Norbit, how many times I got to tell you when you drive my car, don't adjust my seat?
Norbit: I haven't touched your seat.
Rasputia: Then why's it up so damn far?
Norbit: It looks like it's back as far as it goes, Rasputia.
Rasputia: No, you moved it! I can tell! Cuz look, when I inhale, my titty make the horn honk! See, listen!
(horn honks)
Rasputia: See that?
(horn honks again)
Rasputia: That ain't right!
(horn honks again)
Norbit: I hear it.
Rasputia: Uh huh, that scientifically proves that you adjusted my seat!
Norbit: That's not science.
Rasputia: It is and just let it go!
Norbit: It's not science.
Rasputia: I said 'let it go!'
Norbit: I'm just saying...
(Rasputia punches him in the face)
Rasputia: (growls) I said it was science, god damm it!


Event Organizer: I wanna be a ho. How do I apply?


Mr. Wong: Remember, black people run very fast. But problem run faster.
Norbit: ...That's kinda racist.
Mr. Wong: Yes, Wong very racist. Don't like black. Don't like Jew either. But black and Jew love Chinese food. Go figure.


Pope Sweet Jesus: Poor Norbit. Man. Back when I was in the game, used to tell my hos, "Hos, ain't no man gonna pay for the cow if he can get the milk for free." You ain't gonna worry about this brother buying the milk, 'cause he just bought the whole damn cow.
Lord Have Mercy: That's a special cow, too. That must be where butter milk come from.


(Norbit rides his bike towards the church when he's approached by Big Jack, Earl, and Rasputia)
Rasputia: Where the hell you goin', Norbit?
Norbit: (screams) None of your G.D. beeswax, Rasputia!
Rasputia: Look at you, you old stupid fool. You can't even ride a bike!
Norbit: Oh, yes I can, because Kate TAUGHT ME!
(Rasputia screams and grabs Norbit's neck)


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