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Burt Wilson: You know I'm going to need a partner here.
Sean Armstrong: Thanks but you know I haven't had a vacation since... since I met you.
Burt Wilson: Vacation? Well you know if you need me I can get out of this monkey suit at any time.
Corinne: And how far do you think you're going to get on TWO broken legs?


Alex Mason, Jr.: (Armstrong has just fallen into a swimming pool of red dye) Wow! Now all he needs is a pitchfork and a pointy tail.
Sean Armstrong: That... is... it.
(slips back into pool)
Sean Armstrong: Whoa!
Alex Mason, Jr.: See ya!


Sean Armstrong: (throws Guard #4 through wall of security booth) So where's Mason's office?


Thanatos: (getting his skull plate polished) The sides even this time?
Kojiro: Yes, sir.
Thanatos: (looks in his mirror) Excellent!


Sean Armstrong: (Corinne hits him with a frying pan) What'd you do that for?
Corinne: For making a mess, Porky!
Sean Armstrong: You could've asked me to clean it up.
Corinne: Sure but where's the fun in that?


Sean Armstrong: (Corrine's writing Sean's name on a list of nannies) What're you doing?
Corinne: This place is like the roach motel, the nannies check in...
Sean Armstrong: - But they don't check out. Yeah... that's not so many names.
Corinne: Kuh!
(Presses a button, causing the list to drop down several sheets)
Sean Armstrong: Oh... I can handle myself.
(Walks into a door)
Corinne: I hope your Blue Cross is paid up!


Thanatos: (after Wolfgang breaks into Mason's safe bare-handed) Wolfgang, stupid. Very stupid! Now I'm getting a migraine!
Wolfgang: Do not worry, Herr Thanatos.


Sean Armstrong: If you're getting ready for a fight, you just need attitude, not muscles.
Alex Mason, Jr.: That's easy for you to say when you're the size of a redwood.
Sean Armstrong: I was a big kid, I still got whooped every day. My old man never taught me to take care of myself, he never taught me nothing.
Alex Mason, Jr.: So how'd you get them to stop beating on you?
Sean Armstrong: I graduated.
Alex Mason, Jr.: Oh.
Sean Armstrong: Then this little guy Burt taught me some attitude.


Sean Armstrong: (Corinne almost hacks off Sean's hand for touching her pie) Nice shot.
Corinne: What do you mean nice? I was aiming for your wrist, what are you doing in my kitchen?
Sean Armstrong: I'm Sean Armstrong, the bodyguard.
Corinne: Mr. Nanny!


Sean Armstrong: (playing ballerinas with Kate) Burt, lovely to see you. You look positively effervescent. May I offer you tea? Perhaps a watercress sandwich?
Burt Wilson: Knock it off! And get outta that thing!
Sean Armstrong: Oh! You mean my leotard? Ah, the ballet. It enhances grace. I'm a changed man.
(Sean picks Burt up)
Burt Wilson: Aah! Hey! Put me down, you klutz!
Sean Armstrong: I'm not a klutz anymore, Burtinsky.
(trips over rolled-up rug)
Sean Armstrong: Oh!
(crashes into potted plants)
Kate Mason: He's not as far along as I thought.
Sean Armstrong: Darn, I jet'ed when I should've pli'ed.
Burt Wilson: And I used to share a hotel room with you?


Thanatos: I ordered you to throw that match, cost me money, big money!
Burt Wilson: Oh yeah? Bigger than your hair?
Sean Armstrong: We don't throw matches.
Burt Wilson: Yeah, tell ya what, if you was soaked in some gasoline, we'd throw some matches, y'know the flaming kind, and with that fur-ball on top of your head, you'd make one hell of a torch.
(laughs)


Sean Armstrong: (drives up near the kids' school) This is my old school, you mean to tell me you guys go to public school?
Alex Mason, Jr.: Ooooooohhh, he can read. Our dad did think it was a great place... but when he finds out you used to go here...
(Sean drives up to the school)
Alex Mason, Jr.: Hey what're you doing? It's hard enough fitting in without everyone knowing we have a Rolls Royce.
Sean Armstrong: What're you talking about?
Kate Mason: Alex has no friends.
Sean Armstrong: Like I'm so surprised.


Sean Armstrong: (after getting drenched in the bathroom) Kids. They're just...
Alex Mason, Jr.: (from downstairs) Sean, dinner! Here, piggy, piggy, piggy, piggy! SOOEY!
Sean Armstrong: kids.


Thanatos: (swinging an axe) I'll cut you down to size!


Sean Armstrong: Show some respect, Burt saved my life.
Burt Wilson: Oh yeah, I took a bullet for this guy, nicked an artery, you should've seen the blood pumping out, ka-bloom, ka-bloom, ka-bloom - nearly hit the ceiling.
Kate Mason: Eeeew!
Alex Mason, Jr.: Cool!


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