Brodie: I call you all time!
Rene: "Rene, my mom's asleep. Come over." You call that romantic? When was the last time you pulled out my chair, or told me I was beautiful?
Brodie: And this guy does all this in a day?
Rene: This guy already introduced me to his mother.
Gil Hicks: Hey, do I get a chance to field any more questions?
T.S. Quint, Brandi: (in unison) NO!
Jay: Where do you get these wonderful toys?
(c.f. Batman (1989))
(Jay explains the details of Operation Dark Knight to Silent Bob)
Jay: Okay Lunchbox, let's try this again. We tie you to the roof and you jump off and sail like a Spitfire passing right over the arch nemesis La Fours. You then swing up to the stage and knock out the pin. And when that's gone the stage is trashed and we go smoke a bowl. You got it? Now get your fat ass up there. And dude, don't forget your helmet. Snoogens.
(Brodie Bruce speaking of T.S. and Brandi's love)
Brodie: You two are retarded for each other.
Bob Summers: Our first suitor goes to Marymount College where he majors in economics. Say hi to Doug Paging!
Jay: DO IT DOUG!
Brodie: You fuckers think just because a guy reads comics he can't start some shit?
Brodie: You're giving up? You? You used to be stand-up guy, what happened to him? The guy who punched Amanda Gross's mother after she called him "low class".
T.S. Quint: That wasn't me. It was you.
Brodie: Oh, yeah.
T.S. Quint: And it wasn't her mother, it was her grandmother.
Brodie: No wonder the bitch went down so fast.
Ivannah: Free your minds.
Brodie: I'd like to free something...
Brodie: (about to get beaten up by Shannon) Want a sip of my soda?
Brodie: After all he's done to you, you should still kinda stick it to him.
T.S. Quint: How do you propose I do that?
Brodie: You stinkpalm him.
T.S. Quint: Stinkpalm?
Brodie: You take your hand and stick it in your ass like this. You been walkin' all day and you're nervous, so no doubt you'll be sweaty as hell.
T.S. Quint: You should see yourself right now, a grown man with his hand down his pants.
Brodie: Yeah i probably look like my old man. So you shake hands with the guy, "Hello Mr. Svenning how have you been?"
T.S. Quint: Whats the point?
Brodie: You know how long it takes for that smell to come off? Scrub all you want, it'll stick around for at least two days. How does he explain it to his colleagues and family? They'll think he doesn't know how to wipe his ass properly.
T.S. Quint: Meanwhile you yourself are left with a hand that smells like shit.
Brodie: Small price to pay for the smiting of one's enemies.
Shannon Hamilton: You wanna say something?
Brodie: Yeah. About a million things, but I can't express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand 'em all.
Brandi: When I walked away, did you make any effort to repair that breach? No, you ran off and cried on the shoulder of Bumble the Boy Wonder over there.
Brodie: Boy Wonder? Hey, I'm all man, lady!
Brodie: How much longer are we gonna be in this chick store? I'm starting to get a mean hard-on.
Brodie: Jesus Christ! What the hell gives with the cover boy?
Rene: None of your business, but he'll kick your ass if he knows what you just pulled.
Brodie: Are you insane? The guy looks like a date rapist! Is that my jacket?
Rene: Start the elevator.
Brodie: Not until you tell me what the situation is with you and the Sperminator out there! How long has this been going on?
Rene: Since I mustered the good sense to send you packing. He's a much more suitable companion than you any day.
Brodie: Are you nuts? The guy's pure testosterone! He's a walking hard-on just looking for a hole!
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