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Joe Dirt: Life's a garden, dig it.

Joe Dirt: Buffalo Bob's kind of a weird name, but people say Joe Dirt's a weird name and how cool am I? Joe Dirt: (talking to Buffalo Bob) Hey to tell you the truth brother, between you and me, that thing with the dog is comin' off a little fruity. I mean that's just me. Hey, where's my supplies? Buffalo Bob: (frustrated) Oh, for Christ's sake! (Shoving down a basket) Buffalo Bob: Here! Joe Dirt: (squeal of delight) Oh yeah, Auto Trader. Dang, August, I don't got this one.

Robby: Def Leppard sucks!

Miss Clipper: Well, the puke pile's over there. It's a pretty big pile of puke.

Chemistry Student: If my calculations are correct, this will create ice... OH NO, KILLER MUSTARD GAS!

Zander Kelly: Don't you get it? Stinky stuff is your milieu. Okay? This is your deal. You are an underachievement nexus of the universe.

Joe Dirt: You wanna fight? Why don't you stick your head up my ass and fight for air?

Joe Dirt: Well, I see you got those snakes and sparklers. But where's the good stuff man? Kicking Wing: Good stuff? This is the good stuff, snakes and sparklers. Joe Dirt: Are you nuts dude? You need stuff that'll explode. Go *boom*! Kicking Wing: Why is that good? Joe Dirt: Well, huh, might as, might as well ask why is a tree good? Why is the sunset good? Why are boobs good? Man, firecrackers, ya stick 'em in mailboxes, you drop 'em in toilets, shove 'em up bullfrogs asses.

Joe Dirt: Luckily, my neck broke my fall.

Joe Dirt: That shit'll buff out.

Clem: (talking to fire extinguisher) You're talking to me all wrong... It's the wrong tone. You do it again and I'll stab you in the face with a soldering iron. Hey, tell me, does your mother sew? BOOM. Get her to sew that!

Zander Kelly: What's the deal with your hair? You doing stunt work for Billy Ray Cyrus?

Joe Dirt: And you'll be sticking your head out the window and check out chic dogs saying 'what's up, baby?'

Zander Kelly: God Almighty, from inbred heaven?, hey freak boy, 1976 called, it wants its hairstyle back.

(when the dog starts humping Little Joe's leg) Little Joe Dirt: Can I Push him off of me? Miss Clipper: He'll stop humping as soon as he's done

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