Q: (into walkie-talkie) The arena is ours! Concert security: Wait, who is this? Where's Larry?
Paula Abdul: I run this town. Not the Cartel, not the Yakuza. Abdul!
Sal: Abdul assaulted me! She's about four foot four! Forty pounds!
Murr: (naked, hanging off the side of a boat) I'm having issues with my dinghy!
Murr: Full disclosure, I did have a child out of wedlock. If that disqualifies me from the position, I totally understand.
Paula Abdul: Where's Murr? Q: Who he?
Murr: (after Sal gets tased) My beautiful boy!
Sam: Season five was atrocious.
Sal: (about Murr) Would you look at this vanilla angel. Joe: Magnificent. Q: A glorious, luminous ferret.
U.S. Soldier: (as the boat debates whether to save him) How is this even an issue?
Sal: How did you get the insurance to sign off on this? Joe: We didn't.
Joe: Pregnant ladies! I can't hear the pregnant ladies!
(Q has just watched his parents in a fake softcore porn video) Q: My dad had a lot of side jobs. Sal: (behind the scenes) "So did my mom!" Joe: (behind the scenes) "So did my mom, apparently!" Q: (to audience, defeated) So did my mom, apparently.
Joe: (as a man trapped in a cave) Do you guys know who shot J.R? Cause I missed-J.R. from Dallas? Cause I missed it.
Paula Abdul: I'm gonna make you forever my bitch!
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