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Q: (into walkie-talkie) The arena is ours! Concert security: Wait, who is this? Where's Larry?


Paula Abdul: I run this town. Not the Cartel, not the Yakuza. Abdul!


Sal: Abdul assaulted me! She's about four foot four! Forty pounds!


Murr: (naked, hanging off the side of a boat) I'm having issues with my dinghy!


Murr: Full disclosure, I did have a child out of wedlock. If that disqualifies me from the position, I totally understand.


Paula Abdul: Where's Murr? Q: Who he?


Murr: (after Sal gets tased) My beautiful boy!


Sam: Season five was atrocious.


Sal: (about Murr) Would you look at this vanilla angel. Joe: Magnificent. Q: A glorious, luminous ferret.


U.S. Soldier: (as the boat debates whether to save him) How is this even an issue?


Sal: How did you get the insurance to sign off on this? Joe: We didn't.


Joe: Pregnant ladies! I can't hear the pregnant ladies!


(Q has just watched his parents in a fake softcore porn video) Q: My dad had a lot of side jobs. Sal: (behind the scenes) "So did my mom!" Joe: (behind the scenes) "So did my mom, apparently!" Q: (to audience, defeated) So did my mom, apparently.


Joe: (as a man trapped in a cave) Do you guys know who shot J.R? Cause I missed-J.R. from Dallas? Cause I missed it.


Paula Abdul: I'm gonna make you forever my bitch!


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