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Lucy Ricardo: Ethel was just up here and she made me so darn mad. Ricky Ricardo: What now? Lucy Ricardo: She said they're going to hold us to our lease. We have to pay them five month's rent before we can leave. I guess we're stuck here. Ricky Ricardo: Well, now, that all depends. Lucy Ricardo: On what? Ricky Ricardo: On whether we can break the lease or not. We are going to become the two most unpleasant, disagreeable nasty people in the whole world. Lucy Ricardo: How? Ricky Ricardo: We'll force ourselves.

Lucy Ricardo: What are you? The Cuban television network? Ricky Ricardo: Yes. CBS. The Cuban Broadcasting System.

Ricky Ricardo: I need a copy of the marriage license for Lucille MacGillicudy; what? M-A-C, ah Gillicudy. Right and Ricardo Ricardo y Acha. Acha, Acha; thank you, but I wasn't sneezing.

Superman: How long have you been married? Ricky Ricardo: 15 years. Superman: And they call me Superman!

Ethel: Common sense has nothing to do with it. When I say he's wrong, hes wrong.

Ricky Ricardo: How much rice do you think we should use for four people? Fred Mertz: I don't know. People do like that stuff. Ricky Ricardo: How does one pound per person sound? Fred Mertz: Sounds about right. Ricky Ricardo: That's good because that's what I put in: four pounds.

Employment Agent: What did you have in mind? Lucy Ricardo: What kind of jobs do you have open? Employment Agent: Well what do you do? Lucy Ricardo: What kind of jobs do you have open? Employment Agent: Well what do you do? Lucy Ricardo: What kind of jobs do you have open? Employment Agent: You go first this time. Lucy Ricardo: Alright, what do you do? Employment Agent: What kind of jobs do you have... Oh. Cut it out.

Fred Mertz: Now what are we supposed to do? Thumb a ride on a passing halibut?

Ethel Mertz: Fred, I'm sorry I said you were a dumb bunny. Fred Mertz: And I'm sorry you're so fat you sat on my glasses and broke'em.

Ricky Ricardo: This whole thing is my fault. Something I said that started this whole mess. Lucy Ricardo: What's that? Ricky Ricardo: "I do."

Lucy Ricardo: This whole thing is Ricky's fault. Ricky Ricardo: MY FAULT? Lucy Ricardo: Yeah, if you hadn't have left Cuba to come to America, we wouldn't have gotten married and we never would've come to Switzerland in the first place.

Ricky Ricardo: We've got to use our brains. Lucy Ricardo: Well, let's see... Ricky Ricardo: You stay out of this.

Lucy Ricardo: How would you feel if Fred was smoldering with jealousy? Ethel Mertz: Fred wouldn't smolder if he banged into a blowtorch.

Lucy Ricardo: (a large woman has just sat on Lucy) Madam, it doesn't seem to be getting through to you, but this seat is taken.

Lucy Ricardo: I wish there were a place to sit where we could see both sides. Bus Driver: There is. Lucy Ricardo: Where? Bus Driver: I can strap you to the front of the bus. Lucy Ricardo: Well.

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