Lucy Ricardo: (at false seance, introducing Ethel in disguise) This is Madam Ethel Mertzola. She'll be our medium tonight. She's psychopathic.
Lucy Ricardo: Hey, Ethel. Guess what Ricky got me! Ethel Mertz: Um... let's see. A hat? A new dress? Lucy Ricardo: Oh Ethel better! Think about what every woman wants from her husband! Ethel Mertz: A divorce?
Lucy Ricardo: You look like an ad for a trip around the world.
(after seeing Ethel in a tight leopard print dress) Fred Mertz: I was waiting for Ethel to say Trick or Treat!
Ethel Mertz: Let's let Ms. Trumble get a load of us.
Lucy Ricardo: Ah, that must be my good friend Ethel. Don't get up Fredrick, I'll get it. Fred Mertz: Get it? I was gonna lock it!
Ethel Mertz: All Fred's taste is in his mouth.
Fred Mertz: (working in a diner) Adam and Eve on a raft. Wreck'em!
Ricky Ricardo: Did Ricky give you a tough day? Lucy Ricardo: No, just the same as any other day: after breakfast, I put on his snow suit. I pull on his galoshes. I slip on his mittens. I walk him to the park. He chases the pigeons. I chase after him. He runs after the squirrels. I run after him. He get's on the swing. I push the swing. We go on the teeter-totter. He teeters, I totter. Then we leave the park and we walk home. I pull off his galoshes. I pull off his mittens. I pull off his snow suit. I tell him to go into his room and play with his teddy bear. And that is why you find me sitting here with my coat and my boots on. Ricky Ricardo: Whew! I'm worn out from just listening.
Lucy Ricardo: (talking to Ethyl about Ricky) He's put his foot down so many times, I feel like I'm married to a cuban centipede.
Ethel Mertz: Three! Lucy Ricardo: Two! Ethel Mertz: One! One cent hamburgers. Fred Mertz: Ethel, are you out of your mind? Ethel Mertz: Well I thought this could get'em. Fred Mertz: One cent hamburgers. Customer: (Gives Ethel one dollar) I'd like a 100 hamburgers.
Lucy Ricardo: It's all your fault. Ricky Ricardo: My fault? Lucy Ricardo: Yes. Yelling all those crazy things at me. Ricky Ricardo: That was diner talk. Like Fred did. Lucy Ricardo: Yeah well, (about to cry) Lucy Ricardo: the next time you want hamburgers without onions, ask for hamburgers without onions. Don't stand there and yell, "Bring the bull in the ring and laugh in his face!"
(Lucy is dressed as Lucille McGillicuddy, after tasting homemade salad dressing) Lucy Ricardo: What's Aunt Martha trying to do, poison me?
Ricky Ricardo: I won't be home tonight. I've got to rehearse a couple of hours after the club closes. Lucy Ricardo: Why don't you have the rehearsal here? Ricky Ricardo: Are you crazy? I've got a 16 piece band. I'll blow the roof off the joint. Lucy Ricardo: Well... It doesn't look like rain. Ricky Ricardo: I'll do it.
Lucy Ricardo: Time to make another call to Ethel. (Dials) Lucy Ricardo: Hey, get this. (In disguised voice) Lucy Ricardo: Hello, this is the Ajax Salvage Company. We buy old glass, I understand you have some rings that you're interested in selling. Ricky Ricardo: Ha ha ha ha! (Fires air hammer into the phone)
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