Ricky Ricardo: I can't afford it. Lucy Ricardo: Those must have been the first English words you learned.
Lucy Ricardo: (listening to a doctor's diagnosis) I got the Gobloots from a Blu-Shoo bird?
Lucy Ricardo: Did I get any suntan? Ricky Ricardo: No. Lucy Ricardo: Oh, darn it. Ricky Ricardo: (with his thick accent) Honey, why don't you forget about getting a suntan. You always get burned with your fair skin. Lucy Ricardo: My fur skin?
Ricky Ricardo: (in a heavy Spanish accent) You two are too nosy! Lucy Ricardo: We are not nuzzy!
Lucy Ricardo: (Lucy gets caught spying on the neighbors) I was, uh... bird-watching! Ricky Ricardo: Bird-watching? Lucy Ricardo: Uh, yeah! Do you know that there's a yellow-bellied woodpecker on our lawn? Ricky Ricardo: No, but I know that there's a red-headed cuckoo in the living room.
Ricky Ricardo: (sees pancakes on his plate) Hey! Tortillas! Lucy Ricardo: (sarcastically) Yeah. I made them out of Aunt Jemima Tortilla Mix. Ricky Ricardo: Oh, I keep forgetting here in America you call them Flap Cakes. Lucy Ricardo: Come again? Ricky Ricardo: Hot Jacks? Lucy Ricardo: You were closer with tortillas. They are Hot Cakes! Ricky Ricardo: Oh! (tastes some) Ricky Ricardo: No, these are Cold Cakes.
Lucy Ricardo: (Lucy does not want to meet William Holden after an embarrassing incident at the Brown Derby) He never did appeal to me. Ricky Ricardo: What are you talking about? The whole way here I heard nothing but "Bill Holden, Bill Holden." Lucy Ricardo: Yeah, well... I'm fickle.
Ricky Ricardo: Fred, how often is Ethel's checking account overdrawn? Fred Mertz: Never. Ricky Ricardo: Never? How do you manage that? Ethel Mertz: It's easy. I never had enough money at one time to open a checking account. Fred Mertz: She spends money like I'm printing it in the basement!
Ethel Mertz: I refuse to go anywhere with someone who thinks I am a hippopotamus. Ricky Ricardo: Lucy, is this true? Lucy Ricardo: No, I just implied that she was a little hippy... though she has got the biggest potamus I've ever seen.
Lucy's Doctor from Jamestown: Hello, Mr. Ricardo. I'm the man who brought your wife into the world! Ricky Ricardo: I don't know whether to thank you or punch you in the nose!
Ricky Ricardo: What's the matter with you? Are you crazy or something?
Ethel Mertz: (Lucy has a loving cup for Johnny Longden stuck on her head, and has to get to the Tropicana to give it to longden shortly) Lucy, does heat make metal contract or expand? Lucy Ricardo: Expand, I think. Why? Ethel Mertz: That's it! We'll put your head in the oven! Lucy Ricardo: Oh fine. Ethel Mertz: Well, don't you like the idea? Lucy Ricardo: It's great. Why don't you stick an apple in my mouth and barbecue me?
Ricky Ricardo: (discussing operetta Lucy wrote, but does not know she wrote it) Who wrote this thing, anyway? Lucy Ricardo: Who wrote it? Have you ever heard of George Gershwin? Ricky Ricardo: Yeah. Lucy Ricardo: Well alright then.
Lucy Ricardo: (in charge of operetta to benefit the club she and Ethel are in, which doesn't know that there is no money in its account because Lucy has been borrowing from it) Well, we could save money by writing the operetta ourselves. Ethel Mertz: We? Who's we? Lucy Ricardo: We is Ethel Romberg and Lucy Friml, that's who we is.
Ethel Mertz: (does not believe that Lucy got her black eye when Ricky accidentally tossed her a book with poor aim, and suspects abuse instead) This is Ethel, your friend, to whom you may turn in time of crisis. Lucy Ricardo: Ethel, have you been drinking?
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