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Cornelius Hackl: We're gonna close the store.
Barnaby Tucker: Close the store?
Cornelius Hackl: We have to, 'cause some rotten cans of chicken mash are going to explode.
Barnaby Tucker: Holy cabooses, how do you know?
Cornelius Hackl: Because I'm gonna light some candles under them.


Cornelius Hackl: (infatuated with Irene) Well, you see, we're two ladies about town and we're looking for a had to Malloy and...
Barnaby Tucker: We're hats, you see, and we're looking for a lady to Malloy with for the af...
Cornelius Hackl: (signals Barnaby to be quiet) We want a hat!


Cornelius Hackl: I've lost everything: my job, my future, everything people *think* is important, but I don't care - because even if I have to dig ditches for the rest of my life, I shall be a ditch-digger who once had a wonderful day.


Dolly Levi: Goodness, the whole room is crawling with men. Irene, my dear, congratulations.


Irene Molloy: Minnie, I don't mind that you never finish your lunch, but I do mind that you never finish your sentences.


Ambrose Kemper: This doesn't concern her!
Dolly Levi: Mr. Kemper, everything concerns Dolly Levi!


Cornelius Hackl: Cornelius Hackl here.
Barnaby Tucker: Barnaby Tucker here.
Irene Molloy: Irene Malloy here.


Dolly Levi: Hello! Hello there, how are you? Oh Hello!
Horace: You know too many people.
Dolly Levi: Total strangers!
Horace: Then why do you greet them?
Dolly Levi: It makes me feel good to have so many friends.
Horace: Oh, say hello for me too then.
Dolly Levi: I already did.


Dolly Levi: Mr. Kemper, do you mind if we go inside? I'm feeling an updraft in my underpants!


Cornelius Hackl: I've never touched a woman before.
Irene Molloy: You still haven't. That's my corset.


Cornelius Hackl: Barnaby, you don't know anything about women.
Barnaby Tucker: Only that we can't afford them.


Horace: Corneilius Hackl! What are you doing in New York?
Cornelius Hackl: Oh, I'm just delivering some oats.
Horace: Delivering some oats? With my former intended? You're discharged!
Cornelius Hackl: You can't fire me. I quit!
Irene Molloy: So do I!
Horace: Barnaby Tucker, you're discharged.
Barnaby Tucker: You can't fire me. I quit!
Minnie Fay: So do I!


Dolly Levi: And on those cold winter nights, Horace, you can snuggle up to your cash register. It's a little lumpy, but it rings!


Horace: Any man who goes to a big city deserves what happens to him.


Cornelius Hackl: Smile Barnaby.
Barnaby Tucker: (forcing a smile) I'm smiling.
Cornelius Hackl: Look rich, gay, and charming.
Barnaby Tucker: (a small beat) I'm looking gay and charming.


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