(Blake explains why she thinks Gus is already investigating the missing persons case that Harley's Angels is handling)
Harley: Great. Then we'll be on the same track.
Blake: No. You'll be on separate, parallel tracks.
Harley: Is this some sort of, 'If train A is going somewhere and train B . . .'
Harley Davidson Cooper Mallet Spaulding Aituro: Okay, well, I started out the year making 50 cents a day because I was in prison, and I ended the year married-- which is good, right?-- Making six figures as a CEO.
Ira: Oh, all right. Gus?
Gus Aitoro: Nope, everything's easy for me. Although next year might be a problem because I was legally dead, partially, briefly. Do I get a tax break for that?
(Harley brings take-out food to Gus while he's at work at Spaulding)
Gus: Thank you. My favorite kind of food - the kind that sweats in the bag before you open it.
Gus Aitoro: Hey I've got to go.
Harley Davidson Cooper Mallet Spaulding Aituro: Where?
Gus Aitoro: I'm a detective. I need to detect something.
Harley: Susan, I don't know whether to hug you or strangle you.
Susan Lemay #2: Kill me, I'd feel better.
A.C. Mallet: Hey, partner, how is it going, man?
Gus Aitoro: Hey, I've been looking for you. You need to come with me. You've got to help me.
A.C. Mallet: What's the problem?
Gus Aitoro: The problem is you.
A.C. Mallet: (Locks Gus in a jail cell) And now the problem is fixed.
Gus Aitoro: Open the door.
A.C. Mallet: So what did you tell Harley?
Gus Aitoro: Open the door. If you don't open the door, I'm going to beat you senseless.
A.C. Mallet: What was the plan, go down to the courthouse and slip into the hearing room, and then you're going to shoot him in the head in the alleyway?
Gus Aitoro: We are not talking about a sane man.
A.C. Mallet: You remember what we were talking about. Taking Alan down any way...
Gus Aitoro: Are you Mr. Romantic all of a sudden?
A.C. Mallet: Can you think of a better way to spend New Year's Eve? Listen, partner, cool down. I'm going to get some coffee.
Gus Aitoro: Open this door!
A.C. Mallet: I'm not dealing with a sane man. This is where you belong.
Gus Aitoro: Listen to me! Listen to me.
A.C. Mallet: You're going to stay right where you are, you're not going to do anybody any harm. Calm down.
Gus Aitoro: Bye Mallet.
Dinah: Well, don't you want to hear my tale of woe?
Edmund: Dinah, I don't have time to hear it right now.
Dinah: Oh, okay. Well, just kick me to the kerb, like everybody else has. It's cool.
Edmund: Look, Dinah, I've been where you are, wanting to live someone else's life, willing to do just about anything to have it. It's no good. It doesn't work. My obsession with my brother Richard cost me everything I cared about. I hate to see you make the same mistake.
Dinah: My whole life's been a mistake, Eddie.
Edmund: It's not a mistake, Dinah. Take it from someone who's been there. Your life hasn't even begun yet.
Marina Cooper #6: I don't know about you guys, but I've always wanted to go to Hawaii.
Henry Cooper: Uh-huh, warm weather, big old palm trees, I don't know about you, but it sounds about perfect to me.
Harley Davidson Cooper Mallet Spaulding Aituro: Just about perfect.
Alan Cooper 'Zach' Spaulding: (Has headphones on) All I hear is weird people talking.
Marina Cooper #6: Oh, that's just my soap opera podcast.
Henry Cooper: Weird people-- what have you been listening to? Give me that. Zach, I think you'll like this a little better. And Harley, I think you'll like this, too, this band is amazing. Hey!
Harley Davidson Cooper Mallet Spaulding Aituro: (Distracted) I'm sorry, what?
Henry Cooper: I'm just saying I'm glad we're all finally together, you know, hanging out.
Harley Davidson Cooper Mallet Spaulding Aituro: Me, too.
Edmund: Dinah, why are you stalking me?
Edmund: Stalking you?
Edmund: Okay, so obviously I am not the only one that is hitting the bourbon so early in the morning.
A.C. Mallet: A joke, not that funny. See, that was a joke. Come here. Come here. I asked you to move in with me because I like you. And I like being around you. And I kind of like myself when I'm around you. And I asked you to move in with me because, um... I'm kind of selfish, I just don't want to share you with anybody else. And I asked you to move in with me because I've been alone for a long time, and I'm starting to realize I don't have to be alone. I can share my life with someone. And I would like that someone to be you. I mean, you know, share my life-- it's not much. I do have a cell phone that works. And if yours doesn't, I'll put you on my friends and family plan. And as far as Harley goes, I don't want her on my family plan, as great as she is. And, believe it or not, I don't think she had a play in this, not in the slightest. So please, please say yes. Because if you don't, it's going to kill me. And then I'm going to have to kill you.
Dinah: (Laughing) Yes.
A.C. Mallet: Oh, oh. Okay, I'm going to go back to hiding my feelings now, okay?
Dinah: No, don't you dare. No!
(Later, the two of them discuss their day)
Harley: Did you buy or seel any small countries today?
Gus: No, that's tomorrow at 4.
Alan: Alexandra, you look like you've been frightened badly.
Buzz: You look radiant.
Alex: Thank you. I was out taking a ride on Buzz's sow.
Cassandra Elizabeth: (regarding her in-vitro procedure) I would really rather do this at Cedars, you know. I like my doctor.
Edmund: Oh, so do I, Cassie, so do I, but he can't hold a candle to the specialists here. Besides, these facilities are first-rate. They've got the best security of any clinic in the Midwest. It's like a fortress.
Cassandra Elizabeth: A fortress. Why would we need a fortress to get pregnant?
Gus Aitoro: (Beth has kidnapped Alan and Gus and is holding them in a cabin) Did you ever see that movie "Ghost," where the guy dies and his wife is all vulnerable, and then the best friend moves in on her. That is so Mallet. He's just honing in on Harley because she's so vulnerable.
Alan Spaulding #3: What's a six-letter word for "I told you so"?
Gus Aitoro: (spelling) S-H-U-T-U-P.
Gus Aitoro: Shut up!
Alan Spaulding #3: That is six letters, but it doesn't really fit here. Why are you looking at me that way? You are the one who landed us in this mess.
Gus Aitoro: No, no, this is not my fault.
Alan Spaulding #3: May I remind you, Gus, you kidnapped me.
Gus Aitoro: You were going to kill Harley the minute you came out of the courtroom on New Year's Eve. Why don't you just admit it?
Alan Spaulding #3: And in the end, I wasn't the man you needed to worry about after all, was I?
Harlan Billy: I should hit you with my other hand.
Harlan Billy: Just kidding, Sea-Bass.
Olivia Spencer Lewis Spaulding Spaulding Lewis: Sea-Bass?
Harlan Billy: Yeah, Sea-Bass, my buddy here.
Olivia Spencer Lewis Spaulding Spaulding Lewis: Your buddy?
Harlan Billy: Yeah.
Sebastian Hulce: We sort of bonded.
Harlan Billy: Yeah, we did. I actually went to punch him, but he's a dodgy fellow, this guy. I ended up hitting the plaster.
Sebastian Hulce: Plaster man.
Harlan Billy: Yeah, that's right. No hard feelings, though. He gave me a ride here in his fancy car. That's pretty big of him, because I wanted to turn him into mincemeat.
Sebastian Hulce: What are pals for?
Harlan Billy: (laughs) I'll tell you something, you're a kidnapper and a psycho, but you're a hell of a guy.
Olivia Spencer Lewis Spaulding Spaulding Lewis: What are you on?
Harlan Billy: I have no idea, sweetheart, but the world is a far, far better place.
Sebastian Hulce: Don't knock it, Liv. This could be the beginning of a very beautiful friendship.
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