(Lorelai is organizing a wedding at the Independence Inn for two bratty twin brides, and their mother is getting stressed) Mrs. Shales: (to Lorelai) Do you have children? Lorelai: I have a daughter. Mrs. Shales: Do you hate her? Lorelai: No. Mrs. Shales: Not ever? Lorelai: Well, I wasn't wildly fond of her during labor. Mrs. Shales: That was the high point for me.
Brad: Through good times and bad, Chilton formed us, brought us hope, honed our insight, gave us encouragement. Though my time here was briefly interrupted by my period spent on Broadway hanging out with Stephen Sondheim, I still consider Chilton the most rewarding experience of my young life. Now it had always been my plan in closing to recite a short poem I'd written. Louise: But you reconsidered. Madline: Come on, Brad. Go out a winner. Brad: But as I read it aloud, I realized the sentiments I wanted to share with my fellow students were better expressed in a favorite song of mine. (sings) Brad: Cherish is the word I use to describe... bong, bong. Bong, bong. Rory: Oh, Brad.
(Mrs. Kim is angry that Dean has come over unannounced) Mrs. Kim: You're science partners? Lane: Yes Mama, I invited him over to work. Mrs. Kim: Work? Lane: On our science project. Mrs. Kim: (very suspiciously) Reproduction? Lane: Spores, molds and fungus.
(after Logan's prank in front of her class) Rory: I have no words... Logan: It was just a joke! Rory: Oh, no, wait. I thought of some. Jerk! Ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat-boy, low-life, butt-face, miscreant! Logan: 'Butt-faced miscreant'! Rory: Why would you do something like that? Logan: I'm sorry, 'butt-faced miscreant'?
(Logan and Colin storm Rory's class and pretend to fight over her. Finn enters dressed as an English policeman) Finn: All right, that's enough, break it up, you two! (pulls Colin and Logan up by their collars) Finn: Rory Gilmore, you should be ashamed of yourself. Toying with these boys like this. They used to have pride. They used to have dignity. They used to have balls. Damn it Gilmore, give 'em back their balls!
(on the phone) Lorelai: Oh, you know what? I have someone standing abnormally close to me right now. I'll call you later. Rory: Okay, say hi to Kirk for me.
(Lorelai is rejoicing over being able to go down to Luke's diner and get pie whenever she wants) Lorelai: Oh, it's heaven! One quick trip downstairs and I have all the treats I want. You're like Willy Wonka but hotter. Luke: I am not hotter than Willy Wonka. Lorelai: Slap on a purple top hat and you're close.
Emily: You have a gentleman friend of significance. Lorelai: (in a Southern accent) Rhett is my gentleman friend, yes.
(Rory and Dean try unsuccessfully to arrange a date, due to conflicting schedules) Rory: Well, they do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Dean: Sex is also pretty good at that.
(Max and Lorelai are talking on the phone, Max is in the Teacher's Lounge at Chilton) Lorelai: Grunt like a gorilla. Max: I will not grunt like a gorilla. Lorelai: If you grunt like a gorilla I'll tell you what color underwear I'm wearing. Lorelai: (pause) Had you considering the grunt, didn't I? Max: Yes. Lorelai: Boy, I'm good.
Rory: (She is being stared at in the diner) I feel like a used car.
Rory: (At a town council meeting) That woman's staring at me. Lorelai: Oh, Mrs. Van-uppity? Well, maybe you're just her type. Lorelai: (after the woman staring at Rory is introduced to give a speech) Hey, it's your future wife. Rory: Shut up. Lorelai: (Finally, as the meeting breaks up) Wait. Rory: Why? Lorelai: I wanna see if she asks you out.
(Luke and Lorelai's first real date; they have just read a long story on the back of a menu, hence the menu line) Lorelai: Hey, do you remember the first time we met? Luke: What? Lorelai: I'm just trying to remember the first time we met. It must have been at Luke's, right? Luke: (nods) It was at Luke's, it was at lunch, it was a very busy day, the place was packed, and this person... Lorelai: Ooh, is it me? Is it me? Luke: This person comes tearing into the place in a caffeine frenzy. Lorelai: (happily) Ooh, it's me. Luke: I was with a customer. She interrupts me, wild-eyed, begging for coffee, so I tell her to wait her turn. Then she starts following me around, talking a mile a minute, saying God knows what. So finally I turn to her, and I tell her she's being annoying - sit down, shut up, I'll get to her when I get to her. Lorelai: Y'know, I bet she took that very well, 'cause she sounds just delightful. Luke: She asked me what my birthday was. I wouldn't tell her. She wouldn't stop talking. I gave in. I told her my birthday. Then she opened up the newspaper to the horoscope page, wrote something down, tore it out, handed it to me. Lorelai: God, seriously. You wrote the menu, didn't you? Luke: So I'm looking at this piece of paper in my hand, and under Scorpio, she had written 'You will meet an annoying woman today. Give her coffee and she'll go away.' I gave her coffee. Lorelai: (grins) But she didn't go away. Luke: She told me to hold on to that horoscope, put it in my wallet, and carry it around with me - (takes a piece of paper from his wallet and gives it to her) Luke: one day it would bring me luck. Lorelai: (teasing) Well, man, I will say anything for a cup of coffee (reads it, grows serious) Lorelai: Um... I can't believe you kept this. You kept this in your wallet? (sees his face) Lorelai: You kept this in your wallet. Luke: Eight years. Lorelai: (emotionally) Eight years.
Rory: How was your summer? Marty: I met Nicole Richie, and then spent the next six weeks showering.
Luke: (bringing their plates to the table) Hot plates. Lorelai: (to Rory) See? He called me 'Hot Plates.' He so likes me. Luke: (embarrassed) Geez...
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