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Sigrit Ericksdottir: Are you gay? Alexander Lemtov: What? No. Of course not. I am Russian. Sigrit Ericksdottir: No? Alexander Lemtov: There are no gay people in Russia.


Olaf Yohansson: Hey, Lars! Get back in there right now and play Ja Ja Ding Dong! Lars Erickssong: No, we are done for tonight! Olaf Yohansson: You have to play it! Lars Erickssong: Why do I have to play it? I already played it. Olaf Yohansson: I don't care! You have to play it again! Lars Erickssong: Tell me, when will it be enough for you? Olaf Yohansson: IT WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH! I ONLY WANT TO HEAR JA JA DING DONG! Lars Erickssong: Fine, I'll play it! I'll play it. We're having a break. Olaf Yohansson: (to the crowd) Hey guys, he's going to play Ja Ja Ding Dong! (cheers)


Jorn: Iceland could win the Eurovision Song Contest for the first time in its sixty-year history. What's wrong Victor? Victor Karlosson: If she won... that means that we then host the contest for the next year. Jorn: Ah yes. The winner of the Eurovision Song Contest hosts the following year. Yes, you're right, Victor. Anna: Maybe it could be in Keflavik. Victor Karlosson: Oh, sure. Fantastic idea. Anna: Thank you. Victor Karlosson: But perhaps, Keflavik, a town of 15,000 people, lacks the infrastructure to host 42 countries and over half a million people. I'm afraid the cost of hosting will bankrupt the whole country. Jorn: (laughing) What? Anna: And why should we listen to him? Huh? The brilliant financial men of this country nearly ruined us ten years ago. Jorn: You were one of them


Graham Norton: Okay, so not as bad as we expected.


Lars Erickssong: Hallo, I am Lars.


(commentary during the Eurovision semi-final) Graham Norton: Now the moment we've all been waiting for: Iceland. Every performance is an adventure with this group. They're called Fire Saga and why they're here is anyone's guess.


Lars Erickssong: The perfect song isn't the winning song, but a song that comes from the heart.


(Alexander is backstage, applauding after Fire Saga's performance in the finals, when Mita walks over to him) Mita Xenakis: Good for you, Alexander. Alexander Lemtov: I still win, of course, but... I am happy for them. How could I not be? Mita Xenakis: You deserve to be happy, too. Alexander Lemtov: Mother Russia does not agree. Mita Xenakis: Come to Greece with me. Alexander Lemtov: Hmm... I do like the statues. Maybe we get a yacht. I look fantastic with tan. Mita Xenakis: Wouldn't know, I haven't seen you with a real one.


Lars Erickssong: I can't take this shit, okay? Sigrit Ericksdottir: Okay! Lars Erickssong: (indicating a lot of shit with his hands) It's, like, this much shit. Sigrit Ericksdottir: I know! Lars Erickssong: (indicating less shit) I can maybe take this much shit, but it's up here! (indicates more shit) Sigrit Ericksdottir: It's a lot of shit! Lars Erickssong: (screaming) Shit! (a nearby ice shelf collapses) Lars Erickssong: (quietly) Shit.


Lars Erickssong: Stop laughing, please.


Lars Erickssong: (holding intricately carved knife with shocked look on his face) Thank you! Enjoy the biscuits! I'll just leave the knife here... in case... you have to... . do other murders!


Sigrit Ericksdottir: The elves went too far!


Victor Karlosson: I never understood why half this country still believes in elves...


Lars Erickssong: Give up on your dreams now while you're still young.


Lars Erickssong: She's probably not my sister.


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