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You ask people why they have deer heads on the wall. They always say, Because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother's attractive, but I have photographs of her.


The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.


You say you're sick and tired of hearing about me? I've got news for you: I'M sick and tired of hearing about me.


The '60s were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And, I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then like The Flying Nun" (1967).


Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.


I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.


The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.


On hosting the Emmys after the 9/11 tragedy (November 4, 2001): "We're told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?"


In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.


On her love scene with Bill Pullman in Mr. Wrong (1996): "It's a combination of Something Wild (1986), After Hours (1985) and Mary Poppins (1964)....if Mary Poppins were naked."


Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.


I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'


For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's to me the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life.


I was coming home from kindergarten--well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.


They say you just stand over there, he'll say thank you and you walk back off and that's what I thought was gonna happen, but in my head, I had for five or six years known that he was gonna call me over.


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