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T.J. Hicks: I'm in blackface. It's my disguise. See? Deuce Bigalow: But you look the same. T.J. Hicks: Are you saying black people all look the same? You are such a racist! I should have the good mind not to let you help me prove that I'm innocent.


T.J. Hicks: (after Deuce is biting T.J.'s nipple while high on space cake) Get off my tittie, you doped up cracker!


(Frenchman is blowing smoke in Deuce's face at an aquarium in Amsterdam) Deuce Bigalow: Excuse me, but in America, we don't allow smoking in aquariums. Frenchman: Excuse me, but in Europe, we don't unilaterally invade another country just to steal their oil!


T.J. Hicks: That is Assapopoulos, he can kiss people with his butt whole Deuce Bigalow: I don't ever wanna see that.


Enzo Giarraputo: (on the phone) No, Mom, if you're going to stick two in there, you're going to need a lot of lubricant... okay, bye.


Eva: Before I can go on a date I have to eat 2 herring, collect 5 different tulips and drink a beer from a wooden shoe.
Deuce Bigalow: That's do-able!


Heinz Hummer: I am Heinz Hummer. I'm the gigolo with the most below. Okay? I can give you a Filthy Lopez like you never had before. I could give you a Cambodian Creamsicle... that will make you scream all night. Okay? But not now because I'm busy. So leave me alone, bitch.


Angry European: (while throwing stones at the Frenchman) Fuck off, you Yank!


T.J. Hicks: You like them big hairy balls dont ya?
T.J. Hicks: Ah you pussy get off of me, get off of me!


T.J. Hicks: (T.J. is in Jail, and is testing all the Prisoners for their orientation) Hey, let me give you the low-down on T.J. Now, some time ago, I used to be a sideshow host at a Circus, I played the role for eating broken glass. So we di about two shows a week, now that's a lot of broken glass, and it's all collected right in the line of my anus... my *ass* is like one damn cheese grater!
(the Prisoners all stand, and glare at him)


Tourist: I'm from Canada and I'm wasted!


T.J. Hicks: (after Deuce is biting T.J.'s nipple while high on space cake) Get off my tittie, you doped up cracker!


Deuce Bigalow: (on the way to the Man-Whore awards, and Eva is riding behind them) Hey look, there's Eva!
Gaspar Voorsboch: Oh.
(starts speeding up)
Deuce Bigalow: Hey what are you doing, she's right behind us.
Eva: Deuce, he's the killer!
Deuce Bigalow: Huh, what?
Eva: You're with the killer!
Deuce Bigalow: Wuh... I'm with the dealer?
Eva: He's the Man-Whore killer!
Deuce Bigalow: Um, Eighteen Wheeler?
Eva: (comes right up to the Passengers Window) My uncle is the killer!
Deuce Bigalow: Oh, I'm with the...
(Gaspar points a gun towards him)
Deuce Bigalow: ...I mean... you're the Killer?
Gaspar Voorsboch: She said: You are with the killer, you stupid ho!
Deuce Bigalow: (making sense of the Situation) Ohhhhh.
(notices a hand bag with the Leopard-coat, and a wig barely showing out)
Deuce Bigalow: ...but... why, what did Man-Whores ever do to YOU?
Gaspar Voorsboch: What did they do to me? All my life, I wanted to be one thing, a Gigolo, yes, me, Gaspar Voorsboch! I'll never forget that day, it was my first Semester at Man-Whore University.


Deuce Bigalow: (T.J. just came out of Jail) Hey, did anyone hurt you in there?
T.J. Hicks: Oh, you're asking if I got ass-pumped, is what's goin on here?
Deuce Bigalow: Not if you don't want to talk about it.
T.J. Hicks: Well, you see, it turns out that I'm not really... that attractive.
Deuce Bigalow: Well, you've been cleared of murder, but people still think you're gay.
T.J. Hicks: Hey, don't tell nobody I'm not gay, I mean, just think of it; T.J., the Gay mans Pimp, and I'm the corner Market man, check out my new bitches.
(a bunch of gay people stare, and wave at T.J)
Deuce Bigalow: O.k. then, lets go grab some chicken, and Waffles, my treat.
T.J. Hicks: Man, you said the first thing a black man wants when he gets out of jail.


Security Guard: Um, Excuse me sir, but this is a Private Club, Manwhores only.
Lil' Kim: Hey, I'm a real GOOD Manwhore, just go ask yo Mamma.
Security Guard: STILL, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.
Lil' Kim: And that's what yo Momma said after I bang her!
Lil' Kim: (starts laughing hysterically)
Security Guard: O.k., that's it.
Security Guard: (Tosses Lil' Kim in the dumpster)
Lil' Kim: Hey, yo MAMMA's in here!


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