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Special Ed: I GOT MAIL. I GOT MAIL. YAY.


Birchum: You know, I probably wasn't abducted by aliens. Come to think of it, I was raped by teenagers.


Cammie: And don't hate me for being ugly, I didn't make you that way, God did.


Birchum: You're recording this? Well, guess what! I'm recording it too, and I'm gonna put it on basic cable!


Arthur Johnson: Listen, I've been around this shiny blue marble a few times and i've never met a unisex person. You're an innie or an outie understand? You either got a fishing hole or a fishing pole.It's franks and beans or fish taco, Capiche?


Security Receptionist: I'm sorry sir, we don't have any openings.
Bircham: You don't have any openings for a guy who can put on a blindfold, dismantle an AK-47, oil it up and reassemble it in under four minutes?
Security Receptionist: I'm afraid...
Bircham: No openings for someone who can slip in under cover of darkness, garrote his target with piano wire, and escape undetected, you don't have any openings for someone like that?
Security Receptionist: Sir...
Bircham: A man who put his ass on the line for two tours in Vietnam, so you could go home to your lesbian partner, and live in a judgment-free society. No openings for someone like that?


Special Ed: Lady, do you play with your vagina?
Backwoodsman: Lady, who you callin' a lady when yer talkin' to a man?


Special Ed: I like to make poo-snowballs and throw them at people YAAAAAAAAYYY!


Spoonie Luv: From your ankles to your instep, I really love your feet. So slim, so strong, so shapely, so graceful, and petite. So wrap your toes around my johnson, it's time to beat my meat.


Special Ed: (Repeated line) Donkey Kong.
(shouts)
Special Ed: Yaaaayyyyy!


Spoonie Luv: Strip club, strip club, for where are thy? Strip club, strip club, shot jizz in my eye.


Backwoodsman: Sounds to me like you're low-bred.
Special Ed: Bread makes me poop!


Special Ed: I WANNA GO TO HAWAII! I WANNA GO TO HAWAII! YAAAAAAAY!


Birchum: You know, I probably wasn't abducted by aliens. Come to think of it, I was raped by teenagers.


Special Ed: (Repeated line) Donkey Kong. (shouts) Special Ed: Yaaaayyyyy!


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