Cleo McDowell: (Talking on the phone) Yeah, King Jaffe Joffer's room, please. Yeah, hello, King? Yeah, Cleo McDowell here. Yeah, King, both the kids are here... together. Right. 2432 Derby Avenue, Jamaica Estates. Right. Now, King, I was wondering if - hello, King?
Rev. Brown: If lovin' the lord is wrong, I don't want to be right.
Prince Akeem: Oha, it is my twenty-first birthday. Do you think perhaps just once I might use the bathroom by myself?
Oha: Most amusing, sir.
Tough girl: Hey, baby, I'm almost single. My husband's on death row.
Prince Akeem: So, you would share your bed, and your fortune, with a beautiful fool?
Semmi: That is the way it has always been with men of power. It is tradition.
Semmi: Do you realise that I have not had sex since we got to America?
Prince Akeem: Listen, I know what I like, and I know you know what I like, because you were trained to know what I like, but I would like to know, what do you like?
Prince Akeem: I am Akeem.
Lisa McDowell: It's nice to meet you, Akeem.
Prince Akeem: I have recently been placed in charge of garbage. Do you have any that requires disposal?
Lisa McDowell: No. It's totally empty.
Prince Akeem: When it fills up, call me. I will take it out most urgently.
Lisa McDowell: That's good to know.
Prince Akeem: When you think of garbage, think of Akeem.
Lisa McDowell: Would you really have given up all of this just for me?
Prince Akeem: Of course. If you like, we can give it all up now.
Lisa McDowell: (surveys her new kingdom) Nah!
Devil Woman: I've got a secret...
(Prince Akeem and Semmi lean forward to listen closely)
Devil Woman: I worship the devil.
King Jaffe Joffer: You're not Akeem.
Landlord: I know that.
King Jaffe Joffer: (looking at Akeem's award from McDowell's) What is this?
Landlord: A photograph.
King Jaffe Joffer: What is this - McDowell's?
Landlord: It's a place on Queens Boulevard. I think he works there.
King Jaffe Joffer: (offended) My son *works*?
Rev. Brown: I got a special treat for ya' this evening, a young man that you all know as Joe the Policeman from the "What's Going Down" episode of "That's My Momma". I want you to put your hands together, and welcome him to the stage. Big round of applauds for Jackson Heights own, Mr. Randy Watson, YES! Randy Watson!
Prince Akeem: But it is also tradition that times *must* and always do change, my friend.
Clarence: Heyyy, it's the boys from Africa, how y'all doin this evenin'?
Prince Akeem: Sir, where can one go to find nice women here?
Clarence: You gotta get out and look, they ain't just gonna fall on your lap.
Semmi: We've been to every bar in Queens.
Clarence: Well, that's where you messed up, son, you can't go to no bar to find a nice woman. You gotta go to a nice place, a quiet place like a library, there's good women there and 'erm, church, they're good girls.
Prince Akeem: (to hold-up man) It would be wise for you to put the weapon down.
Hold-Up Man: Who the fuck is this asshole?
Prince Akeem: Please refrain from using any further obscenities in the presence of these people.
Hold-Up Man: What?
Prince Akeem: I'm warning you. I will be forced to thrash you.
Hold-Up Man: *Fuck* you!
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