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Haru: Do not worry. A ninja knows when he is in danger.
(Tanley and his men fire machine guns at them)
Haru: Now we are in danger. We are really in danger.

Haru: (Joey is chasing a chicken) Keep practicing, Joey, and someday you will choke that chicken.

Sensei: Twenty five years ago, an ancient legend of this sacred art came alive. It spoke of a foreign child who would come among us and become a Ninja master unlike any other. How he arrived on our shores will forever remain a mystery. We Ninjas thought that this child would be the great white Ninja of the legend. We were wrong. We were very wrong.

Haru: I may not be a great ninja; I may not be one with the universe; but I will say this: NO ONE MESSES WITH MY BROTHER.

Haru: Sensei, she is incapable of such things. She is as lovely as a dove.
Sensei: It sounds to me you are being lead around by your short sword.

Haru: Oh I see you got the R2347ST Printing press. This thing came out the same time I was printing leaflets for the Shave the Whales Foundation.
Martin Tanley: You mean Save the Whales.
Haru: Oh is that what you did with them, maybe it was starve the whales, starve the whales.

Haru: Haru, you are truly the Great White Ninja.
(Haru laughs, turns around, and sees Tanley's men staring at him with their arms folded)
Haru: Did I say "ninja"? I meant "ninny". Haru, you are such a ninny.

Chet Walters: Hey, nice coat. Who shot the couch?

Haru: Okey dokey, lets see what we got baking in the oven. Yeah, ya, ya, ya, ya. Not yet a match. Ok well, it looks like we are about one degree Celsius off on that ah magenta color. What I can do is quantify the 7F reading. To me they're just a little bit off, what I can do on that is run a pap smear, and that should even it out.

Haru: You may subject me to any torture you can think of, but a ninja does not talk!
Martin Tanley: Ninja? You're a ninja? You're the big fat ninja everyone's talking about, aren't you?
Haru: Great White Ninja.

Haru: I am one with the universe. I am one with the universe.
(Sees a stripper)

Allison: (walks in and stands in the Dojo doorway) Hello?
(jumps and the Bo staff in Harus hands flies across the room)
Allison: Is this the Takagura Dojo?
Haru: UUHH? Yyaa... I uummm...
Allison: Maybe I should come back later.
Haru: No wait, don't go, I mean... Yes this is the Takagura Dojo. Please come in and have a seat. I am Haru. Wait!
(stops her from sitting on a pair of throwing stars, throws them behind him and hits a target with perfect aim)
Allison: That's impressive. I am in need of a ninja, but you seem to be white.
Haru: Aaahhh. You are observant, as well as beautiful. Have you not heard about the legend about the foreign child who will grow up to be the great white ninja?
Allison: why no, is that you?
Haru: Some... say it is so. You see it is written in the holy writ, see it says here, a century shall pass, and then OOHHH! this is the wrong writ, this is the one about the Sensei and two 12 year old twin Geishias, also a good legend, but not the one we are looking for...
(scrolls further down)
Haru: aahhh, here is my legend, it says here, that a forgein child will come to our village and learn the ways of the ninja.
Allison: It's burning.
Haru: Yes, the words have been seared into my heart as well.
Allison: No, it's really burning!
Haru: Yes I can tell,
(looks over at the rest of the parchment and sees it burning)
Haru: Oh my God!
(puts out the fire)
Haru: They may have a second copy. Let me show you a ample of my skills.
(pulls on the sword rack and all the weapons fall down)
Haru: That rack, was not build by ninjas. These however were.
(starts swinging a 3 section staff around and nearly hits the shelves holding ashes of fallen ninjas)
Allison: (gasps)
Haru: Wow! Luck is with me today, for this shrine holds the ashes of our fallen warriors
(the shelves colapse)
Haru: Oh! Sensei is going to kill me.
(picking up pictures and identifying them)
Haru: Takguri. Master Goe
(picks up ashes)
Haru: Sempo? Kai?
(combines the ashes)
Haru: At least they all worked as a team.
Allison: This is excellent, because the job I ask requires great stealth.
Haru: Aahh, my highest score where in stealth, let me give you an example, turn around, close your eyes and count to 9, when you open them I will be gone.
Allison: Ok. 1. 2. 3.
(Haru runs around and hides behind a support beam)
Allison: 4. 5. 6.
(runs over to a lamp and tries to hide under the shade)
Allison: 7. 8. 9.
(when Allison reaches 9 Haru has jumped through a rice paper door and outside)
Allison: Haru? Haru?
Haru: Here I am, Sally Jones, I will accept your dangerous mission.

Sensei: You must stop comparing yourself to Gobei!
Haru: But why, master? He is the best ninja.
Sensei: We would all be fortunate to have a heart as big as yours, Haru.

Sensei: I tried to stop this mission because I feared for you, but I was wrong. You must continue. Go forth. It is your duty as a ninja!
Haru: Sensei, you just called me a ninja.
Sensei: Yes, I guess I did.

Haru: I am sure you would like to know who I am and what I do, but as part of my creed, I cannot tell you. See my identity must remain mysterious and my mission secret, I cannot reveal it to you.
Billy: Why not?
Haru: Because I would then have to kill you.
Billy: DADDY!
(runs to his dad, frightened)
Billy: Daddy, he said he's gonna kill me!
Billy's Dad: (to Haru) What'd you say to my kid?
Haru: I was merely relaying to him...
(Billy's Dad punches him in the face)

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