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(Driving on an English road)
Austin: You know what's remarkable? Is how much England looks in no way like Southern California.


Robin Swallows: Tell me, Mr. Powers. Do you swing?
Austin: Are you kidding, baby? I put the "grrrr" in swinger, baby! Yeah!


Dr. Evil: (Stealing the globe on the Jerry Springer show) The world is mine! The world is mine ya motherf***ers!


Scott: (both are the Jerry Springer show) How could you do this to me? On national television!
Dr. Evil: Well throw me a freakin' bone here, Scott.
Scott: Why did you run out on me?
Dr. Evil: Because you're not quite evil enough.
(audience boos)
Dr. Evil: Well it's true! It's true! You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough.


Ivana: When did you get "The Clapper"?
Austin: November, 1964, Dutch East Indies, shore leave.


Austin: (shooting photos) OK, you're an animal! Yes, there we go. You're a tiger! You're Tony the Tiger! You're grrreat! Very good. Loving it. Now you're a lemur. Running as a pack. We go left. We go right. There's a predator out of the jungle. What's going on? Burrow! That's right, you're a lemur. That's all you've got. You don't have sharp teeth capable of biting. Make an interconnected series of tunnels like the Viet Cong. And look. I'm not even shooting you. It's crazy. And I'm spent.
(gives away a camera)


Fat Bastard: (Eying Mini-me) Dr Evil. Let me make you a deal. You get the mojo, and you can keep your money. And I'll get your bay-bay.
(smacks lips)
Fat Bastard: I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs. I want my baby back baby back baby back baby back baby back ribs.
Young Number Two: Excuse me.
Fat Bastard: *Chili's* baby back ribs.


Dr. Evil: Mini-me, you complete me.


(Mini Me's chair is malfunctioning and he's thrown into the rafters)
Dr. Evil: Mini Me? Where are you? Could someone put a fricken bell on him or something?


Austin: Hello, Mummy. Can I have some chocolates? I want some Mars Bars. Don't smack my bottom, Mummy...
Felicity Shagwell: Austin?
Austin: Sorry, love. I got stuck in your dirty pillows.


Robin Swallows: My name is Robin Swallows.
Austin: Swallows - that's an interesting name.
Robin Swallows: Maiden name's Spitz.
Austin: Which is it, baby, Spitz or Swallows?


Austin: (Answering a call after the Vanessa fembot explodes) Hello Basil.
Basil: Hello, Austin. How was your honeymoon?
Austin: It turns out that Vanessa was a fembot.
Basil: Yes. We knew all along, sadly.
(Austin has a puzzled look on his face. Then, without pausing for a moment, Basil continues)
Basil: Anyway, I have a new assignment for you.


(massaging Felicity)
Austin: How does that feel, baby?
Felicity Shagwell: Mmm, lower.
Austin: (deep voice) How does that feel, baby?


Colonel: We've had reports that there's a spy in the Ministry of Defense. The contents of this room are VITAL to the country. Be on special alert.
Fat Bastard: Yes Sir.
Colonel: And, uh, try to lose some weight, for God's sake.
Fat Bastard: Yes Sir.
(Under his breath)
Fat Bastard: Mister English Colonel tellin' me to lose weight. "Oh, I'm a hard case" he says.
(louder)
Fat Bastard: Well, listen up, sonny Jim: I ate a baby. Oh, aye, Baby: the other, other white meat. Baby: it's what's for dinner.


Dr. Evil: (deep voice) Austin, I'm your father.
Austin: Really?
Dr. Evil: No, not really. I can't back that up.
Austin: Right. Idiot. Yes.


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