'Allo 'Allo! » Quotes (TV Show)

(upon seeing Leclerc's latest disguise)
René: Man of a thousand faces, every one the same.

(repeated line)
René: Oh, 'eck!

Flying Officer Carstairs: Look at my knees
(lifts up his "skirt")
René: Why is he showing you his knees?
Michelle Dubois: He was a scrubber at ze nunnery.
René: No wonder they threw him out.

(repeated line)
René: You stupid woman!

(Michelle is disguised as a window cleaner)
René: Hang on a minute. You have not finished my windows.
Michelle Dubois: Screw your windows!

(Hans has accidentally run over Herr Flick's car with a steamroller)
Herr Flick: This is very serious! The Gestapo is only insured for third party!

(repeated line)
Officer Crabtree: Good Moaning.

(Maria has disguised the airmen as waitresses, so René mimes to them that they must not go upstairs with the Germans)
Flying Officer Carstairs: (turning to Fairfax) What was all that about?
Flying Officer Fairfax: I think he means that if Hitler comes in and wants us to go upstairs with him, we're not to go.
Flying Officer Carstairs: Is he like "that," then?
Flying Officer Fairfax: Oh, yes.
René: (to the others) And they must not speak.
(Rene turns to the airmen and mimes that they must be silent)
Flying Officer Carstairs: What does that mean?
Flying Officer Fairfax: Well, if we do go upstairs with Hitler, we're not to tell anyone.
Flying Officer Carstairs: Well, it's hardly the sort of thing you boast about, is it.

(repeated line)
René: (to Madame Fanny) You silly old bat!

(Rene is shaving in the bathroom when there is a knock on the door)
Yvette Carte-Blanche: Rene, what are you doing?
René: Cutting my throat, my love.

Officer Crabtree: God Moaning. The resist-once have accqo-aired a bum. They are going to ex-plod the whaleway brodge.

Gen. Von Klinkerhoffen: Guards! Arrest all Gypsies driving fire engines.

Col. Von Strom: Ah, Helga. What can we do for you?
Capt. Hans Geering: Judging from past experience, very little.

(repeated line)
Michelle Dubois: Listen carefully; I shall only say it once.

(the airmen have come downstairs, minus their mustaches, dressed as serving girls)
Flying Officer Fairfax: Carstairs, you're standing like a tart again.
(Carstairs drops his arm to his side)
Edith: (looking the airmen up and down) No one will suspect them. They look just like the staff.
René: Edith, the Germans *take* the staff upstairs from time to time. If they took these two upstairs, do you not think that their suspicions will be aroused?
Yvette Carte-Blanche: We are much more attractive. They will take us.
René: And suppose there is a rush?
Flying Officer Carstairs: What are they saying, Fairfax?
Flying Officer Fairfax: I've no idea - it's all in French.