(Dewey meditating with Marashi and The Beatles) The Maharishi: Only through meditation can we begin to understand our role. Paul McCartney: We're nothing but... grains of sand. Dewey Cox: That was freakin' transcendental Paul McCartney. Don't you agree, John Lennon? John Lennon: Yes Dewey Cox. With meditation there's no limit to what we can... (glares at the camera) John Lennon: *imagine*. Dewey Cox: What do you think George Harrison of The Beatles? George Harrison: I don't know. You know? I'm just trying to get more songs on the album. Ringo Starr: And as Ringo Starr, I'm not so interested in meditation, I just like to have fun. Ringo Starr: (holds up peace sign) Dewey Cox: (laughs) I like the little one.
(singing while moving hay) Pa Cox: The wrong kid died / The wrong kid died...
Dewey Cox: (after being caught cheating) Baby, you don't know what it's like out there on the road. It's lonely out there. Edith, I can't be alone. Edith: Yeah, well maybe you should've thought about that before you went and got double married! Dewey Cox: Is *that* what this is about?
Dewey Cox: I think I'm doing okay for a 15 year old with a wife and a baby.
Edith: It's illegal to be married to two people at the same time, Dewey! Dewey Cox: What about if, if you're famous?
Elvis Presley: It's called Karate, man. Only two kinds of people know it, The Chinese and The King. And one of them is me.
Dewey Cox: (singing an extremely loud, "punk" version of "Walk Hard" due to the effects of cocaine) Alright again! Faster!
Dave: This is crazy, Dewey. Ain't nobody gonna wanna listen to music like this. You're standing there playing as fast as you can, singing like some sort of... punk!
Dewey Cox: Don't you dare try to stifle me. Who's band is this anyway? You cocksucker! I'll punch you in the mouth!
Edith: What about my dreams?
Dewey Cox: Edith I told you I can't build your candy house! It will fall apart, the sun will melt the candy, it won't work!
John Lennon: (to Paul McCartney) I wonder if your songs will still be shit "When I'm Sixty-four."
Darlene: You know I suffer the same temptations you do. Sometimes when I'm lyin' in bed, I ache for a man's touch... and by a man's touch, I mean a penis in my vagina.
(singing while moving hay)
Pa Cox: The wrong kid died / The wrong kid died...
Nate: Dewey, I'm cut in half pretty bad.
Dewey Cox: But I have to say, I like your stuff. It's pretty good, and most of your records, I really enjoy.
Paul McCartney: Well, we're big fans of your records, too. We like to think that "Hard Day's Night" is our "Guilty As Charged".
John Lennon: (in a hard, Liverpool accent) Great record!
Paul McCartney: Excellent album! We learned a lot from ya.
John Lennon: Great record.
Theo: Well, we're real big fans of y'alls!
Dave: Huge fans! You guys are almost as good as The Monkees. You guys are great.
Press Conference Reporter: What do your parents think about your protest songs?
Dewey Cox: What do *your* parents think about my protest songs? Mr. "Time Magazine."
Pa Cox: I'm sorry, Dewey. I just never realized until just this moment how easy it is to cut someone in half with a machete.
Dewey Cox: It is, right?