Jay Leno: (reading an Ad on "Headlines") Men, do you have vaginal dryness?
Jay Leno: (repeatedly, his frequent signature post-punch line) Exactly!
(about Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers)
Jay Leno: She called Bush "the most brilliant man I ever met." This is a woman we're hiring for her *judgment*?
(about all the Hollywood remakes of "King Kong")
Jay Leno: I think it's just a case of monkey see, monkey do.
(on trip to China, guest Liam Neeson spent about $15 on some very cheap watches for his kids)
Jay Leno: You cheap bastard.
Jay Leno: (Re: Various things like a jewel-encrusted Mr. Potato Head) This is why poor countries hate us!
Dennis Miller: I like Dick Cheney, because he's perpetually pissed off.
Jay Leno: (doing "Headlines") "Organism" can be a tricky word to spell...
Jay Leno: It was so cold in California today, Scott Peterson has said he's actually looking forward to going to Hell.
(about the Kansas City Royals, who lost 17 games in row)
Jay Leno: It looks like President Bush wasn't the *only* one taking the entire month of August off.
Jay Leno: It's so cold in Washington, DC, it took 15 minutes to jump-start Dick Cheney's heart.
Jay Leno: (during "Headlines", imitating in southern accent ) Well, looook, here's some suuure fine winder cleaner!
(about President Bush touring the South after Hurricane Katrina)
Jay Leno: He saw something below sea level. Yeah, his approval rating.
(trying to fight off the "Ebonic Plague")
Kevin Eubanks: Oh no! There be a hole in my suit!
(about embarrassing Presidential relatives)
Jay Leno: You know who the embarrassing brother in the Bush family is?
(Breaks out laughing)
Jay Leno: George!