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emily Appleton: But Ben, it could contain something dangerous! Ben Gates: (puts hand between rocks) Aaahhh!... I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

Ben Gates: (after an argument with Lincoln Conspiracy Kid) What is going on with the education in America?

Riley Poole: Look at it this way - in a hundred years, no one is gonna remember anyone involved in the Lincoln assassination besides Booth. Ben Gates: That's not true. Do you know the expression "His name is mud?" Riley Poole: Yes, of course. Ben Gates: You do? Do you know the origin of the expression? Riley Poole: Does anyone but you? Ben Gates: Dr. Samuel Mudd was convicted of being a co-conspirator in the Lincoln assassination. The evidence was circumstantial, he was later pardoned, but it didn't matter. Mudd's name still lives in infamy, and I will not let Thomas Gates' name be mud.

Palace Guard Sholder: Sir. You and your missus, take it outside. Ben Gates: Now look what you've done. You've brought the little bobbies down on us! You take the missus outside. I'm staying right here. (rides down the banister like a kid and stopped by another guard) Palace Guard Haggis: Good afternoon, sir. Ben Gates: (in British accent) 'Ello. Palace Guard Haggis: Been drinking, have we? Ben Gates: Just a nip. Popped down to the pub for a pint. Bit of all right. Going to arrest a man for that? Going to detain a blighter for enjoying his whiskey? Palace Guard Haggis: That's enough, sir. Ben Gates: Bangers and mash. Bubbles and squeak. Smoked eel pie. Palace Guard Haggis: Sir. Ben Gates: Haggis! Palace Guard Haggis: That's it. Dismount the banister. Ben Gates: (shouting, singing) /I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! / Here they are, standing in a row! / Small ones, big ones, some as big as your head! / Riley Poole: That was brilliant.

Ben Gates: The hummingbird was good.

Ben Gates: (thoughtful, looks at his hand) Surrender your hand to the heart of the warrior... (prepares to stick his hand in) Emily Appleton: Wait Ben, this could be a horrible trap. (to Patrick) Emily Appleton: Tell him this could be a horrible trap. Patrick Gates: This could be a horrible trap. Ben Gates: (sticks his hand in slowly and then screams. Starts laughing) I'm- I am sorry. I couldn't resist. (Abigail pushes him)

Abigail Chase: (scoffs) Ah, come on, Riley. That's, that’s urban legends. Riley Poole: Is it Abigail? Is it? (raises eyebrows) Abigail Chase: It's just totally... Riley Poole: Crazy? Abigail Chase: Yeah! Riley Poole: Hmmm, 'Cause the last time I checked, we pretty much make our living on "crazy." Ben Gates: (reading the book) He's got a point.

Abigail Chase: It's him. Riley Poole: You have his number on speed dial? Abigail Chase: Oh, shut...

(first lines) Barkeep: He's in the other room.

Riley Poole: The president's a tattle-tale!

Riley Poole: So, what's new with you? Ben Gates: Well, my girlfriend kicked me out, I'm living with my dad, and my family killed President Lincoln. (pause) Riley Poole: All right.

Ben Gates: (reading President's Secret Book) Here's the final entry by President Coolidge. "1924 - I found a plank in secret desk compartment. Plank photographed and then destroyed. Borglum commissioned to destroy landmarks in sacred Black Hills mountains." Abigail Chase: Borglum... Mount Rushmore? Ben Gates: He carved Mount Rushmore, to erase the map's landmarks, in order to protect the City of Gold. Riley Poole: (muttering) Mount Rushmore was a cover-up.

(after Ben and Abigail stage a disturbance in Buckingham Palace) Riley Poole: That... was brilliant.

Ben Gates: Before the Civil War, the states were all separate. People used to say "United States are." Wasn't until the war ended, people started saying "The United States is." Under Lincoln, we became one nation. Patrick Gates: And Lincoln paid for it with his life. Ben Gates: So did Thomas Gates. Patrick Gates: Right. Ben Gates: With his life.

Ben Gates: Where's the phone? Patrick Gates: I don't know son. I can't find anything in this mess. Ben Gates: It's only temporary 'til I can find a new place. Patrick Gates: Find the old one. I like her!

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