Jersey Girl » Quotes (Movie)

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(after talking to Gertie, after finding her with Brian without their pants on) Ollie: Do you have any questions about what you saw? Gertie: (thinking hard) Do you have what Brian has? Ollie: Yes. Gertie: (after thinking hard again) Is it as big as his? Ollie: Sadly, yes.

Girl #1: My mom and dad are very religious. At night I hear them scream, Jesus!

Maya: Man cannot live on porn alone.

Gertrude Steiney: (very pregnant Gertrude is getting ready for the VMAs) You try getting ready quickly when you look like this! I'm so fat and there's gonna be nothing but beautiful skinny girls there! Ollie: That's because they're all coked-out whores, honey. Gertrude Steiney: (now crying) I wanna be a coked-out whore!

Maya: I do it at least twice a day. Ollie: Good God!

Bart: You know, you really had me scared for a moment there.
Ollie: Awww, who knew. All these years you were nursing a little stage fright!
Bart: Not that, smart-ass.

Bart: Try acting like a father, shit-head.

Gertie: Did Mommy like New York?
Ollie: Yeah, she loved it.
Gertie: Then I guess I will too.

Will Smith: What's your daughter's name?
Ollie: Gertrude.
Will Smith: Damn, why'd you do that man?

Bart: If Gertie could see the shit you've been pulling.
Ollie: Gertie can't see anything, Dad. She's dead.
Bart: That's right, she is. But you ain't. And neither is that kid.

Ollie: (to Gertie) You're the only thing I was ever good at.

Ollie: They're just skinny because they're coked out whores.
Gertrude Steiney: (sobbing) I wanna' be a coked-out whore!
Ollie: Okay. You can be a coked-out whore. You can be a coked-out, coked-out whore.

(Gertie and Ollie are at a video store)
Gertie: You should be a dance teacher, like Johnny in "Dirty Dancing."
Ollie: l should? Should l say, ''Nobody puts Baby in a corner''?
Gertie: Oh, can we rent "Dirty Dancing" again?
Ollie: Ohh... "Dirty Dancing" ranks one notch below "Cats" in my book. Can you pick out something else?
Gertie: Can we rent this?
(gives Ollie the box to "Men in Black")
Ollie: (while examining the movie) Absolutely not. Go pick out something from the children's section.
Gertie: All those movies suck!
Ollie: Watch your language!
(Ollie grabs a video from the adult video section)

Ollie: George Michael is all about the ladies. "I want your sex". Does that sound like he's singing to a guy?

Maya: I do it at least twice a day.
Ollie: Good God!

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