(Johnny is arguing with a parrot)
Johnny Knoxville: Don't tell me to fuck off, say "Jackass".
Chris Pontius: Russian police. Stern. Stern but fair.
Chris Pontius: I wish life were more like a porno movie.
Bam Margera: Phil gets off work in ten minutes, and I've got twenty paintballs up in this bitch. He's gonna die.
Scott Potasnik: You guys are gonna hate me an hour from now.
Johnny Knoxville: We hate you already.
Chris Pontius: That guy right there is the best damn roller skater ever. Maybe even in the whole town.
(after Ryan has jumped several times into a river in winter)
Bam Margera: Are you cold?
Ryan Dunn: You're an idiot.
(the last line of the last episode)
Johnny Knoxville: That's it, it's over. We should probably head to the bar now.
Bam Margera: You don't matter... in fact, in about 20 seconds you're not even gonna be matter.
Bam Margera: Oh, dude ! My fucking tailbone is seriously broken ! I'm not even kidding !
Ryan Dunn: He broke his tailbone... That's alright, we don't have tails anymore, what's the point of having one ?
Man on the street: God bless you.
Chris Pontius: (dressed up as Satan) God didn't bless me. He wrote a bunch of fibs about me.
Brad Pitt: Hi! I'm Brad Pitt and I'm about to be abducted...
Steve-O: I'm sick of the whole pooping thing... I'm gonna go get my butt cheeks pierced together.
Chris Pontius: They say Poland is the Mexico of Europe. I'm not sure of what that means, but I like it.
Johnny Knoxville: (while getting doused with red wine) Now I know what it feel like to be my liver!