Fun with Dick and Jane » Quotes

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Fun with Dick and Jane

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(first lines) Dick Harper: Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties. Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties. Consolidator. Consolidator. (traffic light turns) Dick Harper: Oh, no! Title card: Run, Dick, Run Dick Harper: Globodyne's a consolidator of media properties and data retrieval with a focus in fiber-optic content provision. It's basically a synergy of Web-based and platform-based UNIX-driven delivery systems. OK, I made that last part up.


Dick Harper: We followed the rules, and we got screwed.


(At a bar, Dick gets up on a table and starts acting crazy because he's being indicted for his share of the bummed, worthless Globodyne stock) Dick Harper: (blathers; marionette voice) Hello! I'm a corporate puppet... (blathers again) Dick Harper: ...and I'm going to need some more string, so that I can go on believing I'll be a real boy someday without bein' manipulative... Dick Harper: (regular voice) by the bullshit!


Jack McCallister: Dick Harper, Dick Harper, Dick Harper playing the harp. Harpo Marx playing the Jews harp.*DH*, DH! You're my Designated Hitter!


Billy Harper: What are you doing to the television?


Billy Harper: Mama quit her yob yayyyy!


Dick Harper: (in McCallister's ear) See, Jack? They love you now! Go to hell!


Dick Harper: (points to the hairpiece of a man) This squirrel died of natural causes!


Dick Harper: Are these non-fat muffins? ARE THESE NON-FAT MUFFINS?
Coffee Shop Guy: (stutters) I-I-I think so...
Dick Harper: Oh, Gee, Hon, you gotta get some of those!


Dick Harper: (after being punched in the mouth, sound like he is trying to have in American accent) No, I swear, I am an American citizen.
INS Agent: Save it.
(dragging Dick to deportation bus)
Dick Harper: No, call my wife... It's ringing
Billy Harper: (answers the phone) Hola?


(last lines)
Garth: Hey, how do you like the new wheels?
Dick Harper: Nice.
Garth: Hooked up with a new company. Great benefits.
Dick Harper: Yeah?
Garth: Yeah. They trade energy. It's called Enron!
Dick Harper: Huh.


Dick Harper: (holding McCallister at gunpoint) I've been terminated, bankrupted, deported and blackmailed because of you, and I'm not leaving here without your money.
Jack McCallister: What are you gonna do, Dick? Shoot me if I don't approve that form?
Dick Harper: Write me a check.
Jack McCallister: You are kidding me.
Jane Harper: Dick, it's not going to do us any good. He's just going to cancel it the minute we walk out of here.
Dick Harper: I don't care... I don't care. I'm not walking out of this bank empty-handed.
Jack McCallister: ...Alright. Alright, Dick, I'm gonna write you a check. I'm gonna need my hand back though.
Dick Harper: Gladly.
(releases grip)
Jack McCallister: Alright, yes sir, I'm gonna write you that check, and what's more I'm not gonna cancel it as soon as I leave the bank because I think it takes alotta cojones to do what you two have done here today, and I admire that. So, here you go. Just a little something to show you what I think you're worth.
(hands him a check for $100)
Jack McCallister: Y'all take care now.


(With her accent, Richard sounds like retard)
Blanca: What's a matter, Retard?
Dick Harper: Call me Dick.


(first lines)
Dick Harper: Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties. Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties. Consolidator. Consolidator.
(traffic light turns)
Dick Harper: Oh, no!
Title card: Run, Dick, Run
Dick Harper: Globodyne's a consolidator of media properties and data retrieval with a focus in fiber-optic content provision. It's basically a synergy of Web-based and platform-based UNIX-driven delivery systems. OK, I made that last part up.


(as they are arrested for their failed bank robbery)
Oz Peterson: Honey? Honey! I love you!
Debbie: You quitter! We had hostages!


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