Bethany: I don't want this, it's too big.
Metatron: That's what Jesus said. Yes, I had to tell him. And you can imagine how that hurt the Father - not to be able to tell the Son Himself because one word from His lips would destroy the boy's frail human form? So I was forced to deliver the news to a scared child who wanted nothing more than to play with other children. I had to tell this little boy that He was God's only Son, and that it meant a life of persecution and eventual crucifixion at the hands of the very people He came to enlighten and redeem. He begged me to take it back, as if I could. He begged me to make it all not true. And I'll let you in on something, Bethany, this is something I've never told anyone before... If I had the power, I would have.
Rufus: You know death is a worry of the living. The dead like myself only worry about decay and necrophiliacs.
(Liz gets out of her car and heads into Women's Clinic; picketers greet her)
Steve-Dave Pulasti: You're gonna burn in hell, ya fuckin' baby killer.
Walter Grover: Yeah, tell her, Steve-Dave.
Liz: Holy shit, it's The Pope.
Bartleby: Don't... See, don't let your sympathies get the best of you, they did me once. Scion or not, she's still just a human, and by passing through that arch, our sins are forgiven, no harm, no foul.
Loki: My God... I've heard a rant like this before.
Bartleby: What did you say?
Loki: I've heard a rant like this before.
Bartleby: Don't you fucking do that to me!
Loki: You sound like the Morning star.
Bartleby: You shut your fucking mouth!
Loki: You do! You sound like Lucifer, man! You've fucking lost it! You're not talking about going home, Bartleby, you're talking about fucking *war* on *God* Well, *fuck* that! I have seen what happens to the proud when they take on the Throne! I'm going back to Wisconsin
Bartleby: (Slams Loki into a wall) We're going home, Loki. And no one, not you, not even the Almighty Himself, is gonna make that otherwise.
Rufus: You are the great great great GREAT great grand-niece of Jesus Christ.
Jay: So that would make Bethany... part black?
Metatron: Human beings have neither the aural nor the psychological capacity to withstand the awesome power of God's true voice. Were you to hear it, your mind would cave in and your heart would explode within your chest. We went through five Adams before we figured that one out.
Jay: What the shit is that?
(Bethany meets Serendipity)
Bethany: Let me guess. The 14th Apostle, left out of the Bible because she's a woman?
Rufus: This girl's no woman.
Rufus: No offense.
Bethany: Oh, so those weren't tits I saw Jay cozying up to?
Serendipity: (hugs her breasts) What, these? You should know better than anybody at this table that tits don't make the woman.
Rufus: Hell, the tubby coat-wearin' motherfucker's got tits,
(Silent Bob kills Azrael with Cardinal Glick's golf club)
Bethany: Glick's the kind of asshole that would bless his own clubs for a better game.
Bartleby: You are responsible for raising an icon which draws worship from the Lord. You have broken the first commandment. Not only that, I'm afraid not a one of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality. Like you, Mr. Burton. Last year cheated on your wife of 17 years 8 times. You even had sex with her best friend while you were supposed to be home watching the kids.
Loki: In the bed that you and your wife share, no less.
Bartleby: Mr. Newman - you got your girlfriend drunk at last year's Christmas party and then paid a kid from the mail room to have sex with her while she was passed out, just so you could break up with her guilt-free when she sobbingly confessed in the morning. She killed herself two months later. Mr. Brace disowned his gay son. Very compassionate, Mr. Brace. Mr. Ray put his mother in a third-rate nursing home and then used the profits from the sale of her home to buy an oriental rug for himself. Heavens. Mr. Barker flew to Thailand on the company account to have sex with an eleven year old boy. Mr. Holtzman okayed the production of Mooby Dolls from materials he knew to be toxic and unsafe, because it was - survey says? - less costly.
(sees the female board member)
Bartleby: You, on the other hand, are an innocent. You lead a good life. Good for you. But you, Mr. Whitland, you have more skeletons in your closet than the rest of this assembled party. I cannot even mention them aloud.
(whispers something in Whitland's ear)
Loki: You're his father, you sick fuck.
(Whitland starts crying)
Serendipity: I have issues with anyone who treats G-d as a burden instead of a blessing. You people don't celebrate your faith; you mourn it.
Rufus: I thought she looked familiar.
Bethany: Well, I am the last Scion.
Metatron: Actually, you WERE the last Scion. Now this
(puts his hand on Bethany's stomach)
Metatron: is the last Scion.
Bethany: You mean, I'm pregnant?
Jay: So do you do anal? Is it true that chicks fart if you blast 'em in the ass?
Bethany: (to herself looking at the sky) You gotta be kidding me.
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