Fritz: (dragging drunk Gray out of the beer house) I'm taking you home. Gray: No you're not! Gray: I am a grown-ass woman. I don't need you to Hollywood me home.
Gray: What's your favorite color? Fritz: Gray.
Sam: Look at you, rockin' the Foreman at 3 in the morning.
Gray: I think catch and release fisherman are heartless weenies. I think putting a fish through agony for nothing more than your own entertainment is just plain cruel. I think if you're going to torture a living thing if, you're going to make it look into the eyes of its maker, face its own puny little place in the universe, then, for God's sake, have the decency to eat it!
Sam: There falls no shadow where there shines no sun.
(after Gray is brought home drunk and singing "Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys")
Fritz: I had nothing to do with it.
Caterer: Sock it to me!
Gray: I love natural disasters. I want people to die in them. I am genuinely disappointed when the death toll is low.
Maureen Monette: What the h-e-double-l is she talking about?
Gray: I never understood why he was friends with you. You don't even seem like you miss him.
Fritz: What took you so long?
Maureen Monette: I'm really, really so sorry about all this. You could've just loved him, and missed him, and never known.
Gray: Him. Never known him. You know I just remembered something recently. About a year ago he and I spent a day on the river. He fished and I read. It was one of those perfect days. We were on our way home and he said he had something to tell me. I said "Is it going to make me happier or less happy?" He said "Less happy." I said... "Then don't tell me."
Gray: I told them all the great things I know about you and there were a lot. I was up there for a while. I didn't tell them everything, though. I left out the complicated stuff, like how it took losing you forever for me to truly find you. And how finding you turned me into someone else entirely. That's not what they came for. People want to hear you were great. Not that were great, but also, sometimes, not so great. They want to know I miss you. Not that while I've been missing you, I've fallen for someone else. It's weird, though. I feel like the only one who would understand this is you. In a way, that makes sense. He was the one person you were yourself around. Of course he'd be that same person for me. Anyway, I left all that out and I kept it simple. I told them I loved you and that's the truth.
Sam: So, were you the bitch or were you the butch?
Gray: She's effin' p.o.'ed